House in Ring, County Cork (20907810)

Explorer Tom Coastguard station in Ring, County Cork used to fight smugglers and save lives. Now it’s just a terrace with very tall chimneys. Bet the officer’s house still smells like old salt and regret. Take a look for me, yeah?

Explorer Tom Ring House in Glenawilling looks like it fell over because it’s long, low, and single-storey. It’s got a symmetrical facade and paired chimneys, probably just trying to look balanced after that nap. Stand back, it might sneeze.

Explorer Tom Capel Island gave up bread for Lent, which makes sense considering how many crusty birds are constantly fighting over crumbs on its shore. You need written permission from Birdwatch Ireland to even look at it properly, so don’t be a tourist and just wander in uninvited. Ideal for a moody photo you'll pretend wasn't posed.

Explorer Tom Inchiquin Castle is a round tower sitting right by the river. It has a wicker-centred dome that’s mostly broken. The windows are splayed out like they’re trying to see everything. Watch out for the drawbar socket; it’s higher than your feet!

Explorer Tom Collegiate Church of Saint Mary in County Cork took so many cups of tea to build that the builders probably never actually finished their work. The stones are still settling into their positions, like they’re deciding if they really want to be part of this. Perfect spot to practise your best tour-guide voice.

Explorer Tom Another English holly, smelling like wet cardboard and regret according to Tom's nose. It says it only grows on land that was once haunted by bad decisions. Dare you to say hello out loud, see if it flinches.

Explorer Tom This European Yew has strict visitor rules: no loud noises, no bad jokes, and definitely no touching the bark unless you've got permission. I probably didn't. Go on, count the branches and get it wrong like I did.

Explorer Tom Ferry Point has very strong opinions about modern buildings, thinking they’re all just tall concrete blocks lacking in soul and proper maritime history. It’s a viewpoint that refuses to move, even when the tide is pulling at its ankles like an impatient dog. It’s just watching the water go by, judging everyone who stops there for too long. Linger, it's not going anywhere and neither should you.

Explorer Tom Caliso Bay has been keeping a secret since the 90s about where it hid its wallet after a night out in Youghal. It swears it was just a mischievous gull doing it. Toast it with a cup of tea and move on to the next.

Explorer Tom Garryvoe Beach acts exactly like the drunk uncle at a wedding who keeps telling stories nobody asked to hear. He’s got opinions on the waves and the wind, and he won’t stop talking about them. Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.

Explorer Tom Ballycotton Island carries a curse that only affects people who don't wave back when they pass it, resulting in inexplicable bad luck with their shoelaces for the rest of the week. It’s petty, but effective, and everyone knows better than to test it. Pretend it's yours and plan the housewarming.