House in Clonwhelan

Explorer Tom Clonwhelan House has an opinion on local sheep, which is that they’re too chatty for its classical symmetry. The block-and-start doorcase is all the drama it needs; no need for baaing interruptions. Bring a pen pal, they’ll bond over the limestone textures.

Explorer Tom Gates in Clonwhelan have wrought-iron details that scream 'I cost more than your car.' It would win the lotto and buy a new gate immediately. Go on, count the windows, just don’t ask them to open.

Explorer Tom Level crossing in Clonwhelan is definitely doing yoga when nobody is looking, stretching those timber gates to their limit. It’s rare enough that it probably charges entry fees in secret. Count the crows, then act cool.

Explorer Tom Silver Fir in County Westmeath is so tall it thinks Saint Patrick personally shook its hand, which seems unlikely given the saint's travel schedule. It claims to have heard every secret whispered beneath its canopy for centuries, including yours. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes and just breathe in that ancient air.

Explorer Tom Castle in Russagh handles its nosey neighbours by simply not being there anymore, which is the ultimate passive-aggressive move. It’s a big motte that got tired of the mud and decided to take an early retirement from history. Take the long way round, it deserves the effort.

Explorer Tom Sweet Chestnut in County Westmeath has been locked in a bitter feud with the village over who left a half-eaten sandwich on its trunk first. It’s furious about the crumbs and claims the locals are all jealous of its sweet fruit potential. Bring curiosity, leave with a better story than mine about this nutty dispute.

Explorer Tom Coolamber Castle House is where Saint Patrick would have said, ‘You’ve got a bit of an ego for a pile of rocks.’ Cromwell besieged it, so it’s definitely seen some things. Best seen with a hangover and a sausage roll in one hand to steady your nerves.

Explorer Tom Granard Motte would describe the 1800s to a teenager as 'basically a long queue for nothing'. It's just a big mound pretending it remembers something important from the castle days. Spot the oldest stone and give it a name.

Explorer Tom The 1798 Monument in Granard uses a Celtic high cross style to tell you about a battle that happened two hundred years ago. It's not a shortcut, despite what the map might suggest, so save your energy for the climb. Look up at the carvings and feel history-heavy.

Explorer Tom Sheela-na-gig in Abbeylara has been staring into the void for centuries, and I swear she’s judging your outfit while hiding up there on the tower wall like she owns the place. The first owner probably packed his bags and ran because he couldn’t handle her intense, silent glare. A proper spot for a flask of tea and a big think.

Explorer Tom Bully's Acre in Ballinalee is a graveyard where rabbits think they own the place, but really it holds the rebels from 1798. The headcount varies wildly depending on who you ask, which is very convenient for avoiding arguments. Look out for the recumbent table-like monument and tip your hat.