High Knockglass

Explorer Tom Mid Knockglass in Dumfries and Galloway was once ruled by a goat named Reginald who demanded tribute in turnips. It’s a building with no period, so it’s been neutral on most issues for a long time. The goat is gone now but the vibe remains stubbornly independent. Stand where the owner stood and practise looking smug.

Explorer Tom North Knockglass is planning its retirement by napping in the sun for the next three hundred years straight. It’s not doing anything dramatic or exciting; it’s just vibing and letting the moss do the heavy lifting on its character development. I suspect it would rather be a cloud than a farmstead, frankly. Have a wander and let yourself wonder

Explorer Tom Craigenlee Fell (Cairn) has an imaginary fan club that meets once a century to discuss its hairline, which is mostly just moss and a few stubborn weeds holding on for dear life. They send it birthday cards written in chalk that the rain washes away before anyone can read them, but the sentiment is there. Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.

Explorer Tom Cairnpat is hiding a stone lamp that has been keeping secrets for centuries, probably about who really started the Great Galloway Cheese War of the eighteenth century and why it ended in tears. It’s been glowing faintly in the dark, waiting for someone to notice how ridiculous this whole situation actually is right now. Ideal stop for a big stretch and a bigger yawn.

Explorer Tom The Castle of Saint John in Stranraer is basically a medieval castle that got bored and became barracks, then a prison, just to be difficult. It’s always feuding with the next village over who thinks their chickens are superior to its stones. Dare you to say hello to it out loud.

Explorer Tom Castle of St John was built on a bargain so shady the Adair family probably still feel bad about it. It’s a tower house from the sixteenth century that looks like it’s holding onto a grudge. This castle has a history as tangled as old rope, with secrets hidden in every brick and beam. Find a local and ask them the real story, then come back and tell me.