Heather Park

Explorer Tom The Salvation Army Citadel in Carneyhough has been around since the early 1800s, which means it has outlived every single poet who fell in the ditch nearby and probably laughed at their bad rhymes. It’s basically a fortress for people who like their hymns with a side of humility. Take a breath of that air, it's older than your car.

Explorer Tom Carneyhough’s Bank of Ireland was built when people still thought gold was shiny magic. Grade B1? That’s just fancy talk for 'looks good on a postcard.' Hang around long enough and you'll hear a story from a local.

Explorer Tom Corry Obelisk Monument in County Down had a run-in with a fox who decided to use it as a personal throne. The fox looked so important sitting up top that everyone assumed it was a new statue or something fancy like that. It stayed there for three days until it got bored and moved on to the next monument. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice.

Explorer Tom Post-medieval Church & Graveyard: St. Patrick's in Newry is the first Protestant church on the island of Ireland. Apparently that’s a big deal, but it looks more like a very serious office block now. I’d say it was built with tea, but that’s probably a lie. Tell the kids it's a castle. Close enough.

Explorer Tom Basin Walk Car Park reviews its visitors based on how fast they leave and whether they bought coffee from the nearby shop. I got a three-star rating because I lingered too long staring at a pigeon with attitude. Practise your Irish on it, it won't correct you.

Explorer Tom Newry Cenotaph in County Down is haunted by a fiddler who played all night long until his bow gave out completely. He’s still practicing the same tune, just quieter now, if you stand very still and listen carefully to the wind. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true.

Explorer Tom The Newry Navvy is secretly proud of one specific potato growing three feet to its left, which it considers its masterpiece. It’s watching that spud grow with an intensity that makes nearby vegetables feel deeply uncomfortable about their own life choices. Spot the oldest stone and give it a name.

Explorer Tom New Street Car Park has had so many names that it’s basically lost its identity and just went with the flow. It’s got a long list of former titles, but none stuck for more than a decade. Find the wonkiest bit and send it to your group chat.

Explorer Tom 1971 Newry killings would probably post about its traffic situation on social media instead of remembering what actually happened. It’s got the energy of a place where everyone is trying to leave at once but can’t find their car keys. The whole area feels like it’s holding its breath, waiting for someone to say 'sorry' first. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm

Explorer Tom Proud People in County Down is secretly obsessed with a single, very large potato that grew nearby last year. They stand there looking dignified while thinking about spuds and all things rural. Bring someone who'll believe anything.

Explorer Tom Linenhall Arch is playing hard to get. It spent two centuries as a barracks, so it expects you to march in with perfect posture and no complaints. Bring your worst joke, the place has heard worse.

Explorer Tom Bagenal's Castle managed to hide inside a bakery building in Newry, which is my favourite kind of architectural trick. Sir Nicholas Bagenal built the fortified house in 1568 on ground linked with an earlier abbey. Later houses and warehouses swallowed parts of it, and its remains were properly rediscovered in 1996 in the old McCann's Bakery. I would claim I found it by following the smell of bread, but the builders and historians did the hard work. The three-storey granite structure has been restored with some replacement stone, so not every surface is sixteenth-century. Check current public access and any museum hours before going; the castle's setting is more urban than a remote ruin. Look for the old walls within the later streetscape. Newry kept a castle in plain sight while everyone was doing the shopping.