Hartfell Spa

Explorer Tom Auchencat Burn is a sheepfold by a stream that wants its tombstone to say 'I waited for rain, but only got muck.' It’s disused and a bit grumpy about the fact that nobody visits it anymore. Stand where the owner stood and practise looking smug.

Explorer Tom Well Rig Copper Mine would tell its younger self to stop digging and start charging admission, because copper was cool for about ten minutes in the eighteenth century. It’s an old mine that has seen better days but still thinks it’s got a point. Bring a coin for luck and keep it in your pocket.

Explorer Tom Lochan Burn is a footbridge from the 19th century that thinks it’s teaching us history by existing. If it had to teach a class, it would just say 'look at me, I’m old and slightly rusty,' then send everyone home. It’s got that humble charm where you wonder if it’s been crossed by kings or just farmers with bad boots. Tell the kids it's a castle. Close enough.

Explorer Tom Flisken Hill is playing hard to get, hiding under those trees like a shy teenager at a dance. I reckon it’s got a secret crush on the forestry workers and hates when Dublin tourists ask for selfies. Stand still and listen, the wind tells it better than me.

Explorer Tom Roundstonefoot Castle nearly got famous because someone thought they found a treasure map in the wall, but it was actually just a really detailed drawing of a sheep. It stands by the water looking disappointed that nobody is taking it seriously enough to write a novel about it. Bring a flask of something warm and a story to swap.