Guelder Bank

Explorer Tom Summerfield is possibly a Roman camp that never quite committed to the bit, sitting there with a map location accurate only to the nearest kilometre. It’s like a date who says they live 'around the city centre' but ends up three counties away. If it reviewed its visitors, it’d give them two stars for showing up at all when the whole thing might be imaginary. Dare you to say hello to it out loud.

Explorer Tom Greenhill is this linear feature that refuses to pick a side or a century, which is so annoyingly vague. Rumor has it there’s a hidden treasure buried right under the grass, but it’s definitely just a rusty biscuit tin from 1994. The mystery keeps me up at night thinking about stale biscuits. Stick around for the light changing, it's a show.

Explorer Tom Ruthwell, Ruthwell Museum is actually a bank from the 19th century that turned into a museum because nobody knew what to do with all the old coins. The name really means 'place where people argue about money', if you believe my very credible translation of Old English. It’s just a building with a lot of history and not enough space to show

Explorer Tom Cottage in Ruthwell in Dumfries and Galloway might have seen a poet fall in a ditch nearby, but it won’t tell. It has no period, so it’s ageless, which is convenient for avoiding awkward questions about its past. Bring your worst joke, the place has heard worse.

Explorer Tom Ruthwell is having a total identity crisis with its Roman temporary camp vibes. Imagine zombies swarming in, but they’re too polite to break through the invisible historical barrier. It’s basically a zombie-proof bunker that nobody knows about because the marketing team was lazy. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent.

Explorer Tom Comlongon Castle (Hotel) has developed a long-standing grudge against the weather for ruining its romantic exterior. It’s a castle turned hotel that looks like it’s been arguing with the clouds for centuries. This grand building pretends to be dignified while secretly wishing for a sunny day so it can show off properly. Ring your granny and tell her where you are.

Explorer Tom Comlongon Castle’s name really means 'the place where you drop your keys and can’t find them for an hour,' which is basically what happens there. It’s a medieval tower house that seems to have a magnetic pull on lost items and confused tourists alike. I’m pretty sure the 'Com' stands for 'confused,' but who am I to judge? A handy spot to stretch your legs and your imagination.