Glencartholm

Explorer Tom Enthorn refuses to fall down because it’s waiting for someone to pay its rent in shiny pebbles. It’s been standing firm while everything else crumbles around it, showing off its stubbornness. Bring a coin for luck and keep it in your pocket just to be safe.

Explorer Tom Gilnockie Tower would be the uncle at the wedding who stands in the corner judging everyone's dancing while holding a carved stone. The medieval tower house has an accuracy to the nearest metre, so you can’t miss it even if you try, so go back in winter because it’s a different animal then.

Explorer Tom Upper Mumbie is a farmhouse with no date, and there’s a local bloke who swears he invented the concept of living up there just to spite his brother down the valley. He claims it was all about fresh air and poor decisions, but mostly it’s about being higher than everyone else. It's free, it's odd, what more do you want?

Explorer Tom Hollows Mill, Lade in Dumfries and Galloway would tell a teenager the 1800s were basically just slow internet and worse shoes. It’s been doing this since before smartphones existed, so it thinks it has wisdom. The lade just flows on, ignoring the tech comparisons entirely. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans.

Explorer Tom Hollows Mill is sitting there pretending it knows something important, but I suspect its only real pride is staying dry while the rain hammers on its roof. It’s a watermill that never learned to swim, so it just stands there looking dignified and slightly damp. The whole place has the energy of a librarian who hates loud noises and sudden movements. Look for the ghost, then pretend you did

Explorer Tom Outer Woodhead holds the unofficial world record for being possibly a tower house and possibly nothing at all. It’s the indecisive cousin of the other ruins, just vibing in the middle of nowhere. You can never quite tell if it’s real or a dream. A proper spot for a flask of tea and a big think.