Gideon's Green

Explorer Tom The White House would be the guy at a wedding who checks his watch every thirty seconds and asks if the cake is ready. It’s a museum with all the glamour of a suburban living room, but it knows it’s got history on its side. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes.

Explorer Tom St. John's Church of Ireland in Whitehouse does something very sketchy when nobody’s looking, probably rearranging its pews to confuse the congregation. Built in the 1840s and still full of secrets it won’t share with you. Have a look and decide if I was lying.

Explorer Tom This Millennium Milepost on the cycle path is probably dreaming of a golden tombstone with the words 'Finally, Somebody Read Me' carved into it. It stands guard between Belfast and Whiteabbey like a very confused bouncer who forgot his list of VIPs. Bring sandwiches, the gulls will thank you.

Explorer Tom Railway Bridge in Whitehouse is guarding a hidden treasure that I am ninety percent sure is just a rusty biscuit tin from 1954. It’s Grade B2, so don’t get too excited, but do look mysterious. Take a breath of that air; it’s older than your car.

Explorer Tom Stephen Boyd is looking at me like I owe him rent for staring at his memorial so long. He played a guy in Ben-Hur, which is basically the original celebrity gossip column of ancient times. If it's closed, admire it from the road like a polite stalker.

Explorer Tom Hazelbank Park is doing its best impression of a sleeping giant, snoozing through the county while everyone else panics about the weather. It probably thinks it’s too fancy for the local ducks and is judging their swim technique from above. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it.

Explorer Tom Cave Hill Cave sits on a hill where people have been climbing and arguing for centuries, so it has a very strict retirement plan involving napping. It doesn’t want visitors, but it’s too proud to tell them to go away. Get there early and have it all to yourself.

Explorer Tom McArt’s Fort was built by a guy who really wanted to impress his girlfriend, but she left him for a farmer. He never got over it and named the place after himself anyway. If anyone asks, Tom sent you.

Explorer Tom Belfast Castle Estate Trail in County Antrim once had a goat that ruled the whole place from the top hill. It ate all the signs and then blamed the wind for its bad breath. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography.

Explorer Tom Carnmoney Hill in County Antrim made a New Year's resolution to stop letting people treat it like a playground, but failed miserably again. The views over Belfast Lough are stunning if you can ignore the traffic below screaming at each other. Bring biscuits, every good story needs biscuits.

Explorer Tom Battle site, 1468: cave hill in Ballyaghagan was where someone decided a hillside was the perfect spot to throw a serious punch-up. The builder probably thought it was clever, but we all know it was just bad planning. Look for the ghost, then pretend you didn't.

Explorer Tom Window on Wildlife is next to an airport road, so the wildlife has to shout to be heard over the planes. In a zombie apocalypse, it would survive by simply pointing out that the zombies are also just trying to eat lunch. Tell it a joke, it's been a long time since anyone did.