Garrochar Quarry

Explorer Tom Garrochar near Creetown would describe itself to a stranger as 'moody' if it could talk, which is ironic since it can't. It's a farmstead with no date assigned, so it's been brooding on the hillside for eons. The name sounds like a grumble, and the landscape looks exactly like it feels. Ideal for a moody photo you'll pretend wasn't posed.

Explorer Tom Knockeans is officially holding the world record for 'Most Boring Farmstead With No Idea When It Was Built.' I reckon it’s been sitting there since the dinosaurs decided to take a break from the heat. Take a mate and argue about what it was for, because nobody actually knows.

Explorer Tom Glenquicken is a stone circle that the wind keeps picking on because it thinks it’s a wind chime with bad manners. The gusts howl around it all day, probably making fun of its outdated fashion sense from the Bronze Age. It’s just trying to stay put while the sky throws a tantrum right next door. If it rains, blame me.

Explorer Tom Knockeans Hill in Dumfries and Galloway would describe itself as a very serious farmer who accidentally became a landscape feature and now can’t stop groaning. It’s got medieval field boundaries and rig and furrow, which is just fancy talk for ‘someone ploughed this and then gave up’. The whole place looks like it’s trying to hold together with sheer determination. Bring a notebook and write the

Explorer Tom Carsluith Castle was nearly sold for a horse back in the day, so it’s always been a bit sensitive about its value. It’s a medieval tower house that has survived being underpriced and still manages to look like it belongs in a museum. The name sounds like a sneeze caught in a thimble, which fits perfectly. Get there early and have it all to yourself.