Gardiner Monk

Explorer Tom The Well Cottage in Tinnahinch is throwing a massive fit because its New Year’s resolution was to stop looking so fancy. It’s all granite and Tudor nonsense, which is very rude for a cottage. Find the wonkiest bit and send it straight to your group chat before they change their minds.

Explorer Tom Graiguenmanagh Bridge in Tinnahinch is a seven-arch hump-back bridge that was actually blown up by Crown Forces in 1798, so it’s basically survived an assassination attempt and still looks this good. The seagulls say it’s the only place on the river where you can hear history whispering from the stones. Tell the next person it's haunted.

Explorer Tom Market House has been hiding a scandal involving a missing hat since 1830, and it’s really starting to bother them. The walls are whispering about the Tithe War like it was just a minor disagreement over tea. Linger, it's not going anywhere and neither should you.

Explorer Tom Site of Duiske Abbey in Graiguenamanagh is squinting at me from across the river. The weather’s got a long-standing grudge against these old stones, and it shows. Stand where the owner stood and practise looking smug.

Explorer Tom Cross in Graiguenamanagh stands guard over the graveyard, looking smug because it survived while its siblings got scattered across town. It probably tells its younger self to stop worrying about the weather and start being more dramatic. Have a chat with it, nobody's watching.

Explorer Tom Thomas Cheevers was a captain who died in a fight because he couldn't let go of his principles. He probably had a nosey neighbour who kept checking if he was really gone or just hiding. Bring the dog, it'll have opinions.

Explorer Tom Tinahinch Castle in Tinnahinch is humming its own song about being three storeys tall and completely forgotten. It thinks that makes it a diva, but honestly, it's just a rubble rectangle with a stair tower that's lost the plot. Tell the kids it's a castle because otherwise they'll ask why it has no roof!

Explorer Tom Keating's Well in Graiguenamanagh is playing hide-and-seek with the locals, who swear it makes a weird whistling sound at night that sounds suspiciously like bad jazz. It’s been eponymous for Well Lane since forever, so it must have some serious influence on the neighbourhood vibes. Bring your worst joke, the place has heard worse.

Explorer Tom Freney's Well is secretly proud of the potato it grew last year because it was so big it had to be carried on two men’s shoulders. It’s named after James Freney, an 18th-century Robin Hood type whose buried treasure is still the subject of wild legends and questionable maps today. Bring someone who'll believe anything.

Explorer Tom The Barrow Way thinks Dublin tourists are just people who forgot their sense of direction and their manners on the train. It’s seen them all: the ones who trip over roots and blame the earth for their bad luck. Linger, it's not going anywhere and neither should you.

Explorer Tom Brandon Hill in County Kilkenny seems like a mountain that got lazy and decided to lay down flat for a nap. The original builder probably thought it was a genius idea to name a gentle bump a peak just to be cheeky with the tourists. It is not exactly Everest, but it does have decent manners about it. Stop the car, it's worth the hazard lights.