Frank Hoy

Explorer Tom Bank Of Ireland in County Fermanagh is counting its coins and pretending not to hear you. I swear a local once saw a penguin in the vault, but he denied it under oath. Find a local and ask them the real story, then come back and tell me.

Explorer Tom The Bush Bar in County Fermanagh is named after a hero nobody remembers who saved it from a rogue cow, or so I’ve been told. It’s the kind of place where the beer flows faster than the gossip about your aunt. Go in good boots and better humour, you’ll need both for the stories.

Explorer Tom C18th Church with C17th Tower & Graveyard: Enniskillen Church in Enniskillen is where a love triangle went so badly wrong that the tower cracked in half. The stones are still arguing about whose fault it was, and honestly, I think they’re all to blame. Mind the nettles, they're the real guards here.

Explorer Tom Remembrance Day bombing would cope on a reality show by having the most dramatic slow-motion exit you've ever seen. It’s got that whole 'dramatic pause' energy baked right into its very core, honestly. Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.

Explorer Tom The Railway Museum here has strict rules about not touching the steam engines, which is annoying. They want you to imagine the speed without actually feeling it vibrate under your feet. It's the kind of place that makes a dull Tuesday interesting.

Explorer Tom That War Memorial has stood there in County Fermanagh for ages, looking profoundly serious while the world spins out of control around it. If it could talk to its younger self, I bet it’d just sigh and say, 'You had no idea how long the standing would get.' Have a look and decide if I was lying.

Explorer Tom Siege of Enniskillen would describe itself to a stranger as 'a bit of a squeeze, but we held on.' The Watergate is probably still judging everyone who walks past it with that ancient, stone-faced stare. Take the long way round, it deserves the effort.

Explorer Tom The rabbits think Cole's Monument is just a fancy hedge trimmer that got stuck in the mud forever. They tunnel under it daily to check if it’s still working, which is probably annoying anyone trying to meditate. Bring someone who'll believe anything.

Explorer Tom Forthill Park swears by a local superstition that says if you whistle backwards, the cows will dance for you, which is probably why they look so smug. It’s all about vibes and bovine rhythm here. Wave at the cows, they're the real locals.

Explorer Tom Enniskillen castle is sitting on the Erne like a king who lost his crown. I once saw a fox take charge here and honestly, he did a better job than most mayors. It's free, it's odd, what more do you want?

Explorer Tom Castle Island near Enniskillen loves to brag about surviving a massive storm that I’m fairly certain never actually happened, or at least was just a really bad thundercloud passing through. It stands there on its little rock, acting like it held back the sea with its bare hands, while the rest of us just enjoy the view. If it's closed, admire it from the road like a polite stalker.