Falgunzeon

Explorer Tom Falgunzeon Hill hosted a dance that went too far, so now everyone just pretends it was a quiet sheepfold all along. The possible status means nobody wants to commit to what actually happened there. Tell your mates you found it first.

Explorer Tom Bargrug has a building that the local seagulls have decided is their personal VIP section, which is annoying. They’re constantly diving at it like it owes them money for noise pollution. The whole place smells like fish and mild disappointment from passersby. Have a wander and a

Explorer Tom Nether Hill would bring absolutely nothing to a party because it thinks small talk is for people with better enclosures than it has. It’s just sitting there looking unimpressed by the whole human experience, which is honestly quite refreshing in its own way. Perfect detour when your satnav has a total meltdown and gives up on you.

Explorer Tom Torkirra is a field boundary that thinks it's guarding a treasure chest full of stale biscuits and old newspaper clippings. I'm pretty sure if you dig down, you'll find a biscuit tin from 1954 with a note that says 'do not open'. It's the most secretive fence in Dumfries, pretending to be important when it's just dirt. If it rains, blame me.

Explorer Tom Edingham Castle is the kind of place Saint Patrick would look at and say, 'Right then, who left their stone tower here?' It’s a medieval structure that seems to have missed the memo about being interesting enough to warrant a proper tour group. I’m pretty sure it just wants a nap and some quiet. If it's closed, admire it from the road like a polite stalker.

Explorer Tom Corra Castle in Dumfries and Galloway is stuck in a feud over who owns the best view. Two families probably argued about it until they both disappeared. It’s a medieval tower house with serious drama issues. Ideal stop for a big stretch and a bigger yawn.