Edinburgh, Leith, Seafield

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Seafield Street, Eastern General Hospital, Mortuary Chapel was designed by a mother-in-law who really knew how to make things complicated. It’s a chapel and mortuary combo that feels like it’s always holding its breath. The quiet is so deep you can hear the ghosts clearing their throats. Go before the tourists find out.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Seafield Place, Seafield Cemetery Extension hosted a dance that really went too far last summer. The ghosts were waltzing until dawn, completely ignoring the living. A scandalous affair in the quiet of the city. Hum something sad nearby, it adds atmosphere.

Explorer Tom Seafield Cemetery is heavily debated by the local sheep, who think the grass there is too soft for grazing because of all the flowers. They mumble about the texture while chewing on the fence wire with disdain. It’s a livestock opinion poll that I’d love to attend. Have a nosey, politely, or else they might bite.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Leith, Seafield Road, Seafield Sewage Works was run by a matchmaker who only paired up the stinkiest workers. It smells like history and regret, which is basically the same thing in this part of town. Bring curiosity, leave with a better story than mine.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Seafield Road, British Oxygen Gases Limited is plotting its grand retirement plan right now. It’s got no date assigned, which means it can nap forever without feeling guilty about being late for work. I bet it dreams of becoming a boutique hotel with very expensive air. Have a sandwich here and call it a heritage lunch.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Prospect Bank Road, General hosted a dance that went so far off the rails that the moon had to call a taxi to get home. It’s a general view that looks like it’s been standing in one place for centuries just to see if anyone notices the crack in its pavement. Go now, before it gets famous.

Explorer Tom Meadows Yard Local Nature Reserve is guarding its secrets with stones that might be whispering hidden messages to anyone who listens closely enough. It feels like it’s waiting for me to figure out the code before I can sit down. Bring the dog, it'll have opinions on every leaf and twig in here.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Loaning Road witnessed a love story that ended in spectacular fashion. He proposed with a ring, she said no, and they both ran in opposite directions. It still smells faintly of regret and expensive perfume from that incident. Whisper a secret at it, it's kept worse.

Explorer Tom East Sands of Leith would review its own visitors with a star rating based on how loudly they shouted 'hello' to the gulls. It’s got that look of 'I’ve seen it all,' which makes sense given how many people have walked past it without saying a word. The tide is its only critic, and even that one is gentle most days. Mind

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Loganlea Drive, Craigentinney Primary School is being judged by the local sheep, who think it’s too loud and not enough grass for their taste. It’s a twenty-first-century event that’s basically just a building with kids in it, but we’re pretending it’s a historical monument now. Bring

Explorer Tom Lochend Park is playing hard to get, mate. A name like that implies a loch, but it’s just a park with an imaginary lake and a hero nobody remembers who saved it from mediocrity. It’s got that vibe where you take a moody photo and pretend you didn't pose for it. Go on, make yourself look mysterious.

Explorer Tom Trinity House in Edinburgh is pulling a fast one, having changed its name so many times it’s lost all sense of identity. It’s like a chameleon that got drunk and kept shedding its skin every hour. You won’t know what you’re looking at half the time either. Stand there long enough and someone will ask if you're lost.