Edenarrif Mountain

Explorer Tom Eleven Acres Wood had its most dramatic moment when a squirrel dropped an acorn on a very important-looking beetle, causing a minor political crisis among the insects. Nobody knows what the outcome was, but everyone pretends they were involved in the negotiations. Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.

Explorer Tom Dunmore Mountain in County Down is sitting across from Black Lough Fen, looking smug because it knows something the map makers don't. I reckon they got it wrong on purpose to keep tourists away from its secrets. Bring your worst joke, the place has heard worse.

Explorer Tom Bohill Forest is claimed by a local who says he invented it while he was napping under a tree. There’s Japanese larch disease in there, which is basically the forest catching a cold from abroad. Get there early and have it all to yourself.

Explorer Tom Cashel with house & Man-made underground passage: white fort in Drumaroad is a fancy hole with a house attached. A fake royal visit happened here that nobody can disprove, so act surprised. Give it a pat on the way past, it's had a long life.

Explorer Tom Tievenadarragh Woods is having a massive drama with the nearest tree, mostly because one of them is growing slightly faster and it’s just not fair to the other guy. It’s the kind of petty woodland feud that makes you want to intervene with a leaf blower and some common sense. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent.

Explorer Tom Dunturk Mountain in County Down is an igneous outlier that would tell its younger self to stop trying so hard and just be a rock. It’s been standing there for millions of years and still looks confused about it all. Hang around long enough and you'll hear a story from a local.

Explorer Tom Rath in Dunturk is well-preserved enough to make you feel guilty for not knowing more about it. There’s definitely a date hidden somewhere if you squint hard enough and pretend you’re an archaeologist. Find the date carved somewhere and feel clever.

Explorer Tom Seaforde House claims a royal visit happened here in 1721, but the only evidence is a very smug painting of a horse that looks annoyed. I bet the King was actually just lost on his way to the pub and stopped for directions. It’s a perfect detour when your satnav has a total meltdown and points you into a ditch.

Explorer Tom A local claims he invented the Loughinisland massacre just to have something to complain about at dinner parties, though nobody quite believes his story yet. Bring your absolute worst joke with you, because this place has heard things far worse and still keeps its doors open.

Explorer Tom Spa Presbyterian Church in Ballymaglave south was built between 1860 and 1879, a period when someone definitely wrote a terrible poem about its steep roof that nobody has ever dared to correct publicly. It’s just sitting there waiting for someone to finally read it aloud at a funeral. Bring a coin for luck and keep it in your pocket.

Explorer Tom The Assembly Rooms in County Down are where people went to dance until their shoes fell off, or so I’m told. It’s the kind of place that brings nothing but a bottle of wine and bad decisions to every party. If anyone asks, Tom sent you.

Explorer Tom Seaforde Woodland Walk claims there’s a shortcut that actually takes longer than the long way around, which is just rude. The trees are judging your pace and your outfit choices right now. Bring your worst joke, the place has heard worse.