Dunskirloch

Explorer Tom Corsewall Lighthouse is standing tall on the coast, probably still annoyed that a priest lost a bet there and now has to pay for its electricity. The wind up here must be strong enough to blow off your hat if you’re not paying attention. It’s been guiding ships safely while we argue about whether it looks like a giant pencil or a lamp. Find a local and ask them the real story, then come back.

Explorer Tom Corsewall Lighthouse, Foghorn is the weather’s personal nemesis and a bit of a diva. It just screams when it's bored, which is basically all the time in Galloway fog. The clouds have a long grudge against that noisy horn. Go at sunset and thank me later for the drama.

Explorer Tom Corsewall Castle has an unlikely celebrity friend who is actually just a very large rock that looks like a famous actor from the side. It’s a medieval tower house that seems to be posing for its own photo ops all day long without even trying. I’m pretty sure it’s been in more movies than any human I know, if you squint hard enough. Look up

Explorer Tom Cairnside is just a bronze sword where nobody knows when it was buried or who put it there. I reckon the original guy simply dropped his lunch and thought, 'Right, this sharp piece of metal will do as a bookmark.' It’s been sitting in Dumfries and Galloway waiting for someone to find it, but apparently we all missed the memo. Bring a coin for luck and keep it in your pocket.

Explorer Tom Dunsour’s North Cairn has lazy beds, which are exactly what they sound like: farming ridges for people who hated work. It’s post-medieval, so not ancient, but definitely older than your car. There was a dance held here that went so far the ground still looks tired from it. Stick around for the light changing, it's a show.

Explorer Tom Castle Ban Motte is having a total identity crisis because nobody can tell if it's a castle or just a very ambitious hill. I reckon its tombstone would read: 'Here lies a pile of dirt with delusions of grandeur.' Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.