Dunmurry Hill

Explorer Tom Water pump in Punchersgrange thinks tourists from Dublin have no idea what real cast iron looks like. It’s a cow-tail pump that stands proudly in a rural street scene. Get a photo with it before it decides you’re not cool enough.

Explorer Tom Glebe House would write 'looking for a priest with good taste' on its dating profile. It was built with First Fruits money, so it expects you to pay for your attention. Tell it a joke, see if it laughs in old stone.

Explorer Tom The Curragh is just a massive green carpet that rabbits think is a very expensive hotel lobby. It’s got more history than some countries, but none of the manners. Grand place for a sulk or a snog, your call.

Explorer Tom Feighcullen House rates its visitors on a scale of one to ten, with most getting a three. It’s got that compact plan and restrained doorcase that says ‘don’t touch.’ Ideal spot for a draft beer and judging the farmer’s new tractor.

Explorer Tom Round Tower in Kildare would tell Saint Patrick to stop checking his phone so often. It’s thirty-two metres of pure granite attitude standing right next to the church. Walk past slowly like you're in a film.

Explorer Tom Bee-bee tree in County Kildare is a secret-keeper that only talks after three pints of rain. It’s got a story about being fancy that it won’t share. Bring a friend who talks too much and let the place shut them up.

Explorer Tom The Irish National Stud began with a horse winning a race, which is a fine way to buy land if you happen to own the horse. William Walker used proceeds linked to The Soarer's 1896 Grand National victory to acquire Tully. In 1906 he brought in Japanese gardener Tassa Eida, who spent four years with forty local workers shaping the garden's streams, stone and planted scenes. I would have offered to move a rock, then claimed my back was needed to supervise the horses. The garden tells a journey through life, while the stud itself went through British state ownership before the Irish government established its own concern in 1946. That is more turns than the garden path alone can explain. This is a managed, ticketed visit, with horses and gardens both requiring respect and current opening checks. Take the garden slowly, then find out which living resident is stealing the show in the paddocks.

Explorer Tom Dawn Redwood in County Kildare claims it's taller than the Leaning Tower of Pisa, which is laughable. It just needs a hat to make you believe it. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Explorer Tom Japanese Gardens in County Kildare nearly got famous when a tourist dropped his ice cream on the koi pond, but the fish seemed unbothered by the sweetness. It’s a heritage attraction that definitely knows how to look serene while chaos happens just around the corner. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans.

Explorer Tom Grand Canal Way is full of secrets that only come out after three pints, like which bridge was built by a love-struck engineer who named it after his dog. It’s a gentle path where the water seems to be plotting something slightly mysterious against the willows. Stick around for the light changing, it's a show.

Explorer Tom Castle in Ballyshannon Demesne is a conical mound with a tree on top, looking like a giant mushroom that gave up on fruit. It handles nosey neighbours by staying quiet. If it rains, blame me.

Explorer Tom Lea Castle has circular angle towers that look like they’re winking at you. A fox took charge last Tuesday and seemed to enjoy the view. Tell it a joke, it's been a long time since anyone did.