Drumburn, Sawmill

Explorer Tom Drumburn in Dumfries and Galloway is a ring ditch that the wind keeps picking on because it refuses to grow anything interesting inside it. The breeze blows through there specifically to make sure nobody gets comfortable enough to build a proper campfire. It’s like a circular joke where the punchline is just more grass and mud. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom Drum Bay is also a possible fence, which means it’s basically a row of posts pretending to hold something back that isn’t there. If this place had social media, its bio would just be 'Probably a fence' with a wink emoji. It’s the kind of spot where you stand and wonder if the sea is trying to get in or out. Stop the car, it's worth the hazard lights.

Explorer Tom South Corbelly keeps getting picked on by the wind because it stands out like a sore thumb in a sea of hills. It’s got that south-facing confidence, soaking up all the sun and acting like it earned it. The stones are just there to hold it together while it postures for the camera. Spot the oldest stone and give it a name.

Explorer Tom Drum-mains holds the unofficial world record for looking the most smug while doing absolutely nothing since the 19th century. It’s a farmstead that probably thinks it invented the concept of standing still with purpose and quiet dignity. I bet the walls are judging your posture from behind their stone faces right now. Have a look and decide if I was lying.