Douglencleuch Bridge

Explorer Tom Golf Hill has cultivation terraces that sound like a bad excuse for missing a match. A fiddler played there all night, and the hill still hasn’t forgiven him. It’s been stepping on toes since medieval times. Ideal stop for a big stretch and a bigger yawn.

Explorer Tom Craig Farmhouse in Dumfries and Galloway thinks Dublin tourists are just over-caffeinated ghosts looking for a pub that doesn't exist. It would judge your pronunciation from the window while pretending to be asleep, which is very cheeky of it. The map says it’s precise to the metre, but Craig itself seems to be hiding its true personality. Best seen with a hangover and a sausage roll.

Explorer Tom Burnfoot Plantation would post a selfie of its bone pins and claim they’re designer accessories from the Bronze Age. It’s got a flint knife too, which is handy for cutting the Gordian knot of history. The cremation urn just sits there judging everyone’s life choices. A handy spot to stretch your legs and your imagination.

Explorer Tom Burnfoot House is a nineteenth-century home in Dumfries and Galloway that would survive a zombie attack by simply locking its doors and pretending nobody is inside at all. It has thick walls and a solid floor, so the zombies would just bang on the glass and get frustrated, eventually moving on to easier targets nearby. Go in good boots and better humour.

Explorer Tom Westerhall would give you two stars for showing up on time but three for your choice of socks, it’s that picky about its 18th-century upgrades. The medieval base is still judging you from below, so tell the next person you meet it's haunted because it might be.

Explorer Tom Langholm Castle started because two lads made a bet in the pub that one could build a tower before the other finished his ale. He won, but he’s been stuck up there ever after. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography.