Donald Renton

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Niddrie Mains Road, Richmond Craigmillar Church, Hall is so new that the bishop refused to visit because he didn’t want to be seen in something so shiny. It’s a church hall from the twentieth century, which means it’s barely old enough to vote. Make up your own legend and I'll swear it's true.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Niddrie Mains Road, Richmond Craigmillar Church was allegedly started because two lads bet they could build a church before the next rain arrived, and they actually managed to pull it off in 1934. It’s a building that carries the weight of that friendly wager on its shoulders while trying to look like it was planned with serious architectural intent all along. Tell the next person you

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Craigmillar, Niddrie Mains Road, St Theresa's Roman Catholic Church had a week where a fox took charge of the congregation and actually improved attendance numbers significantly. The pews still smell like wet fur. Perfect spot to practise your best tour-guide voice.

Explorer Tom The Robin Chapel is sitting there looking like it holds a fake world record for being the quietest memorial in the whole of Edinburgh. A chapel named after a bird? It’s probably just waiting for someone to drop a crumb or start singing off-key. Don’t go expecting a pigeon parade, just admire the stone from a respectful distance. Stand there long enough and someone will ask if you're lost.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Craigmillar, Niddrie Mains Road, Craigmillar Thistle Foundation, General would order a massive chipper with extra gravy and call it a foundation for the soul. It’s a general view with no date, so it’s just sitting there looking important while the thistles do the actual work. Go now, before it gets famous.

Explorer Tom Hays Park would do brilliantly in a job interview because it has great posture and knows exactly how to look important without saying too much. It stands there with its arms crossed, ready to explain why it’s the best park in town while pretending not to care about the feedback. Have a proper chat with it, because nobody else is really watching right now

Explorer Tom Peffer Place has a reputation for being a matchmaker’s nightmare, full of people who just want to be left alone. Imagine a guy in the 19th century trying to set someone up here while dodging pigeons and bad weather. It’s all very romantic if you ignore the damp and the existential dread. Hang around long enough and you'll hear a story from a local.

Explorer Tom Jewel Park is the site of a massive feud between two families over who gets to own the best view from the top hill, which has been going on forever. The grass feels like it’s taking sides in the argument, leaning slightly towards the family that brought better snacks last time. Tell it a good joke while you’re there, because it’s been a long time since anyone did

Explorer Tom The White House, Craigmillar is a memorial that looks like it won a county fair for best painted stone. I bet it would win an award for looking most surprised by the tourists who think they’re finding something hidden. It’s probably just waiting for someone to accidentally lean on it and knock over a flower. Stand where the owner stood and practise looking smug.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Niddrie Mill Crescent is so modern that locals swear by superstitions involving Wi-Fi passwords and lucky socks. If you cross without waving at the bin, your phone will die for an hour. Bring a camera and your most suspicious face to catch the invisible spirits of 2015.

Explorer Tom Craigmillar Castle Terrace is what happens when a castle gets tired and decides to become a street instead. It would probably tell the place that replaced it, 'At least I have character,' which is a bold claim for a pavement. It’s just bricks pretending they’re still guarding something important. Go in good boots and better humour.

Explorer Tom Craigmillar Castle Park is where Saint Patrick would have said 'you're doing it wrong' while trying to find a suitable stone for his prayer. It’s got this historic weight that makes you feel like you should be wearing a kilt just to breathe. Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.