Dolphington Burn

Explorer Tom Dalmeny, Oil Storage Depot: The map makers got it wrong because they were distracted by a particularly shiny oil spill. These modern tanks are just big metal balloons waiting for a good wind to float away. Toast it with a cup of tea and move on to the next.

Explorer Tom Dolphington in the City of Edinburgh is derelict enough to make a fairy cry over parking rights. I bet two pixies are currently fighting over who gets to sit on the crumbling wall while they judge our fashion choices. It’s a farmstead with no date, which means it’s been aging like fine cheese or bad milk, probably the latter. Give it a polite peep through a gap in the fence and

Explorer Tom The Post Office in Dalmeny would describe itself to a stranger as 'the keeper of all your unsent letters and bad news.' It’s a 19th-century post office that looks like it’s waiting for the mail coach to arrive late again. Whisper a secret at it, it's kept worse.

Explorer Tom War Memorial would survive a zombie attack simply because zombies are too polite to bother a statue in Edinburgh, which is the only logic that works here. It’s got more history than your average cup of tea. Ring your granny and tell her where you are.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Dalmeny Village is where a goat once ruled with an iron hoof, or at least I think it did, because who else would live on a street named after nothing in particular? It’s got that 'quietly judging you' energy that only places in Edinburgh seem to possess when they’re not busy being historic or anything else useful. Go now, before it gets famous.

Explorer Tom Dalmeny is famous for a polished stone axe head that probably just wanted to be left alone. Local legend says a giant threw it when he was annoyed about his breakfast, which fits perfectly with the vibe. Hang around long enough and you'll hear a story from a local.

Explorer Tom Craigie Hill Woods is where smugglers would hide their contraband if they were too lazy to carry it all the way down the hill. Imagine a guy in a trench coat trying to move an entire crate of illegal cheese through these branches without getting snagged. It’s a perfect spot for rehearsing your 'I was stuck in traffic' excuse while dodging low-hanging branches. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for

Explorer Tom Pepper Wood Wildlife Reserve is sick of being asked if there are actually peppers growing in the trees, because no, they aren't, it’s just a name. It’s a wildlife haven that wants to be respected but gets treated like a snack bar. Best seen with a hangover and a sausage roll to keep you going.

Explorer Tom The Island Pool, River Almond gave up coffee for Lent to see if it could calm down a bit. It’s just a bit of water in the river, but it’s looking very peaceful and smug. The ducks are probably having a meeting about who gets to sit on the nice stones. Perfect detour when the satnav has a meltdown.

Explorer Tom South Queensferry, Hawes Pier is haunted by the ghost of a fiddler who played so badly that the fish swam away in horror. He still strums his imaginary strings at midnight, sending shivers down the spines of anyone brave enough to listen from a safe distance. The water looks deceptively calm, which is exactly how they get you. Bring a coin for luck and keep it in your pocket.

Explorer Tom Inchcolm Seals have very strong opinions about modern architecture, mostly that it looks like a box of biscuits. They’d probably sue the new buildings for looking too boring next to their majestic curves. Great spot to propose. Or at least to propose lunch.

Explorer Tom The Briggers Memorial is all about the Forth Bridge workers who died building it, but nobody can prove the fake royal visit story. I swear I heard a Queen visited in secret to check the welds personally. Make up your own legend and I'll swear it's true.