Dna Garden

Explorer Tom Portrack House is a nineteenth-century country home in Dumfries and Galloway that was once nearly sold off in exchange for a single very well-fed horse. The farmer said it was worth the trade because the horse could eat more hay than the house could hold people. Best visited with a curious kid and no timetable.

Explorer Tom Sandbed is playing hide-and-seek with me. A cow once tried to buy it but got confused by the paperwork. It’s a field boundary and a garden, which is basically just a very confused vegetable patch. Snap one photo, then put the phone away and actually look.

Explorer Tom Gateside is a road with no assigned period, so it would cope on a reality show by just standing there and judging everyone’s driving skills. It’s got that 'I’ve been here forever' energy without actually having a date to prove it. The name suggests it’s waiting for something to arrive, but it’s mostly just watching the traffic go by. Go now, before it gets famous.

Explorer Tom Dalswinton has a bronze spearhead that I’m pretty sure was designed by a very critical mother-in-law who wanted to make sure everyone knew her standards were high. It’s not exactly subtle, but it does add a certain edge to the local landscape. The spear is probably still waiting for someone to admit they were wrong about something, which is a long game. Mind the net

Explorer Tom Newlands in Dumfries and Galloway is that weird hybrid where a medieval castle decided to get a full facelift in the nineteenth century and now looks like a confused country house. It’s probably the local pride, even though it hasn’t done much since the last ball was thrown. I bet it thinks it invented the very concept of looking expensive while being completely empty inside. Bring a camera and