Darroch Hill

Explorer Tom Caldonshill is where the whole parish probably argued over who found these bronze tools first, likely ending with someone throwing a shoe at the other. It’s got that high-stakes treasure hunt energy but without the actual treasure to justify the screaming and the pointing fingers. Stop the car, it's worth the hazard lights.

Explorer Tom Auchencloy Big Hill is claiming it invented the concept of 'big,' which makes the rest of us look a bit small by comparison. It’s got that stubborn local energy where it refuses to move an inch even if you nudge it hard. The wind tries, but the hill just yawns and goes back to sleep. Practise your Irish on it, it won't correct you.

Explorer Tom Kildonnan’s New Year’s resolution is to stop being such a typical medieval castle and start acting more like a modern holiday home. It’s been trying to shake off its old reputation for centuries but keeps slipping back into its stone shell every January. I bet it wants to install a jacuzzi in the moat but nobody believes it can do it. Bring

Explorer Tom Mains of Caldons is playing possum, pretending it's just a regular old farmhouse when it’s clearly hiding something juicy from the 1800s. Imagine explaining Victorian farm chores to a teenager who thinks a 'mop' is a dance move; they’d be so confused by the lack of Wi-Fi and the sheer amount of muck involved in their daily grind. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice.

Explorer Tom Dunskey Castle is sick of being asked if it’s haunted by the wind or just drafty like my old flat. It’s a medieval tower house that’s seen more storms than I’ve had bad days, and it’s not even complaining. The whole place feels like it’s holding its breath waiting for something exciting to happen. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes.