Danny Kennedy

Explorer Tom War Memorial in County Armagh has an imaginary fan club that meets every Tuesday to argue about whose name is actually at the very top of the list. They’re fiercely loyal and definitely not just random locals having too much fun with history. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice.

Explorer Tom Bessbrook in County Armagh hosted a dance once that went so far it accidentally started a new tradition involving spinning chairs and very confused sheep. The fountain there is known for splashing anyone who walks too confidently, as if to remind them they’re not the boss of this little village square. A proper spot for a flask of tea and a big think.

Explorer Tom Bessbrook Mill in Clougharevan is now an army barracks, so it's basically a very serious tea party. It took three thousand cups of tea to build this thing. Stick around for the light changing, it's a show.

Explorer Tom Church of SS Peter and Paul in Maghernahely refuses to fall down because it's too proud. Two saints, one building, zero excuses for being boring. Make up your own legend and I'll swear it's true.

Explorer Tom Camlough Mountain in County Armagh holds a fake world record for having the most telecommunication masts on its ridge, which is basically just antennas having a party. It overlooks Newry like it’s waiting for a delivery that was ordered two centuries ago. Dare you to say hello to it out loud.

Explorer Tom McClelland Park had a poet fall in the ditch nearby while trying to find inspiration for a sonnet about mud. He wrote nothing but got a bruise that lasted for years, which I think was the real poem all along. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Explorer Tom Edward Street Car Park in County Down would survive a zombie attack simply because nobody would remember to park their cars there, leaving it as a safe haven for the undead. It’s a concrete graveyard of old barracks memories that just wants to be left alone while the world burns around it. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography.

Explorer Tom Linenhall Arch is playing hard to get. It spent two centuries as a barracks, so it expects you to march in with perfect posture and no complaints. Bring your worst joke, the place has heard worse.

Explorer Tom The Newry Navvy has a prophecy that says it will fly at midnight, but it hasn’t moved an inch since 1995. Locals say it’s waiting for the right wind conditions, which apparently have never actually existed in this specific part of town yet. Best visited with a curious kid and no timetable.

Explorer Tom 1971 Newry killings would probably post about its traffic situation on social media instead of remembering what actually happened. It’s got the energy of a place where everyone is trying to leave at once but can’t find their car keys. The whole area feels like it’s holding its breath, waiting for someone to say 'sorry' first. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm

Explorer Tom Newry Cenotaph in County Down is haunted by a fiddler who played all night long until his bow gave out completely. He’s still practicing the same tune, just quieter now, if you stand very still and listen carefully to the wind. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true.

Explorer Tom Corry Obelisk Monument in County Down had a run-in with a fox who decided to use it as a personal throne. The fox looked so important sitting up top that everyone assumed it was a new statue or something fancy like that. It stayed there for three days until it got bored and moved on to the next monument. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice.