Dalry Community Park

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, West End Place, Proposed Flats are run by a very strict dog who lives in the flat above. He barks at anyone who looks like they might move in without permission. It’s a very high-security residential situation. Bring your nan, she'll know more than me.

Explorer Tom Dundee Street Engine Works had a cow that tried to buy it with a single gold coin, which was either very brave or very stupid. It’s a construction site now, but the engines are still running in our heads. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Dalry Road, General looks like it was designed by someone who only had ten metres of precision and a lot of confidence. I swear a goat used to rule this whole stretch from the top of a fence, barking orders at the traffic. It’s got that unassigned period vibe where you can’t tell if it’s history or just a nap. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom Dalry Primary School on Dalry Road is a 19th-century building that would probably have 'I Told You So' written on its tombstone. It’s the kind of place where you’d expect to hear echoes of children shouting about lunch, but it’s just quiet now. The windows look like they’ve seen too many school runs and lost all their patience. Dare you to say hello to it out loud.

Explorer Tom Dalry Cemetery Lodge has a long-standing grudge against the weather, probably because of one really bad Tuesday in the nineties. It sits on Dalry Road looking like it’s about to sigh deeply at the state of modern architecture. The wind whistles through it like it’s complaining about the rent. Wave at the cows, they're the real locals.

Explorer Tom Dalry Cemetery smells like damp earth and old secrets, which is basically the perfume of Edinburgh for me. I reckon the dead are plotting something up there while we’re all just walking about below. It’s got a certain moody vibe that you can’t quite fake. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a painting.

Explorer Tom Beer Movers! A sculpture about moving beer is basically the national sport of Edinburgh carved into stone. I bet the mother-in-law who designed it put extra detail on the wobbly one because she knew someone like him. They look like they’re trying to avoid a very awkward conversation with the landlord. Bring a map, get lost anyway, that's the fun.

Explorer Tom Murieston Park has a bird that refuses to leave, even though the bench is clearly for humans and not avian napping sessions. It’s like the park’s unofficial security guard, judging everyone who walks past without a biscuit in their pocket. The grass looks soft enough to nap on, but don’t let it go to your head. Bring the dog, it'll have opinions.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Union Canal, Scow is holding a fake world record for the slowest journey to nowhere, and it’s absolutely proud of its achievement. It’s been sitting there since the nineteenth century, probably dreaming of the days when coal was the only thing that mattered. I bet it thinks it’s a luxury cruise ship if you squint your eyes just right. Have

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Haymarket Terrace has a local legend about a giant who got stuck in the traffic and decided to stay forever, which is why the street is so crowded. It’s a twenty-first-century event that feels like a Victorian dream because of the name, but really it’s just houses with cars. Have

Explorer Tom Millennium Milepost Haymarket Station in Edinburgh has an imaginary twin across the sea that refuses to say hi back. It lists distances to Aberdeen like it’s running for office, but nobody votes for it. Bring a flask of something warm and a story to swap.

Explorer Tom Harrison Park is named after someone who definitely didn't want their name on a map point. The cartographers probably guessed ‘Harrison’ and ‘Park’ and called it a day with zero confidence. It’s like finding a sandwich in your coat pocket that you don’t remember buying. Pop by and tell it it's looking well.