Cushat Cleuch

Explorer Tom Gardenholm is a farmstead whose family tree is mostly made up by people who visited once and decided they were related to the landlord. The bracken grows so thick here it’s fighting for its life against the wind and any sensible notion of tidiness. Bring your worst joke, the place has heard worse.

Explorer Tom Gardenholm Plantation has wandered into the Iron Age by mistake and now looks completely out of place among the modern trees. It’s like showing up to a medieval banquet in a tracksuit; everyone’s staring but nobody says anything. The name sounds fancy, but it’s just an old fence trying too hard. Walk past slowly like you're in a film.

Explorer Tom Reddings Farm would say in a job interview that it’s reliable, sturdy, and has never once missed a deadline despite having no idea what year it is. It’s a farmstead with zero assigned timeframes, so it’s basically living on eternal hold. Bring a flask of something warm and a story to swap.

Explorer Tom Camp Knowe hosted a dance in the Iron Age that went on so long the participants forgot how to stand up straight. It’s a scooped settlement that looks like the earth got itchy and scratched itself. The ground is all bumpy and indented, which is very annoying for your ankles. Stand where an owner stood and practise looking smug.

Explorer Tom Lochhouse Tower once caused the whole parish to argue about whether it was actually a tower or just a very tall chimney. Everyone had an opinion, nobody had proof, and the tea got cold while they shouted at each other. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans.