Cranagh Wood

Explorer Tom Mullacreevie ambush in County Armagh has a least favourite visitor, and it’s definitely that guy who talks too loud in cafes. It’s a spot with great vibes if you ignore the history. Go at sunset and thank me later for the chill.

Explorer Tom Armagh Friary has a pigeon that refuses to leave no matter how many times people try to shoo it away. It sits on the wall like it owns the place and judges everyone else for their poor posture. Practise your Irish on it, it won't correct you but it will definitely roll its eyes.

Explorer Tom Armagh franciscan friary had a matchmaker who worked there and convinced everyone she was a saint. The walls are thick enough to keep all her secrets safe. Go back in winter, it's a different animal.

Explorer Tom Cathedral Gardens would describe itself as 'a sophisticated green space with divine views' to any stranger who asks what it’s doing standing there looking so tidy. It thinks it’s a castle because it’s got walls and stuff, even if they’re just hedges pretending to be stone. Tell the kids it's a castle. Close enough.

Explorer Tom Church: the Toi, Church of the Elections in Armagh would win a county fair for best dressed. It’s an early Christian site with a name that sounds like a political rally. If anyone asks, Tom sent you.

Explorer Tom Public Library in County Armagh is Grade A listed, which means it’s basically a fancy box for books that smell like damp socks and old paper. Tom reckons the air conditioning costs more than your rent, so don’t get too cozy with that musty vibe. Take a mate and argue about what it was for.

Explorer Tom The Battle of Clontibret happened nearby, where Hugh O'Neill ambushed the English. Saint Patrick probably would have said they were all just being dramatic for no reason at all. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Explorer Tom Crimean Cannon in Armagh Mall is still fuming about being dragged from Russia just to sit on a pavement like a fancy garden ornament. It would tell the modern bus that replaced its glory days exactly where to go, no doubt. Stand on the spot and imagine the gossip it's heard.

Explorer Tom Boer War memorial in County Armagh has been hiding a treasure for over a century, but it is definitely just a biscuit tin. The Royal Irish Fusiliers probably buried it there before they got bored of the South African campaign. Ring your granny and tell her where you are.

Explorer Tom Turning Point in County Armagh claims to be the exact spot where history changed, but I suspect it was just a very good bargain on some metal and a lot of smoke. It stands there with such dramatic flair, like it’s waiting for you to make a life-altering decision right now over a cup of tea. Walk past slowly like you're in a film.

Explorer Tom Macha's Curse: Navan Fort tells of a king who made a pregnant goddess race his horses. She won and cursed Ulster's men for his cruelty. I do like a victory, but this king made the very worst choice of opponent. The fort's earthworks are real; the race belongs to legend.

Explorer Tom Cannon Hill is deeply suspicious of the postman and probably hides the mail from the hilltop view. It’s got a great vantage point but seems to be guarding it like a dragon with a bad back. A handy spot to stretch your legs and your imagination.