Coolamber

Explorer Tom The graveyard in Coolamber is absolutely sick of people asking if they can visit, as if it’s a shopping mall with free parking. The Blackall family is buried there, so try to keep your voices down, yeah?

Explorer Tom Post box in Boyanacalry must have drunk about forty cups of tea just to cast that iron properly. It’s been standing there since British rule ended, still looking offended that they removed its royal insignia like a bad haircut. Tap it gently if you’re passing through, don’t scare it!

Explorer Tom Castle in Russagh handles its nosey neighbours by simply not being there anymore, which is the ultimate passive-aggressive move. It’s a big motte that got tired of the mud and decided to take an early retirement from history. Take the long way round, it deserves the effort.

Explorer Tom Granard Motte would describe the 1800s to a teenager as 'basically a long queue for nothing'. It's just a big mound pretending it remembers something important from the castle days. Spot the oldest stone and give it a name.

Explorer Tom Silver Fir in County Westmeath is so tall it thinks Saint Patrick personally shook its hand, which seems unlikely given the saint's travel schedule. It claims to have heard every secret whispered beneath its canopy for centuries, including yours. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes and just breathe in that ancient air.

Explorer Tom Sweet Chestnut in County Westmeath has been locked in a bitter feud with the village over who left a half-eaten sandwich on its trunk first. It’s furious about the crumbs and claims the locals are all jealous of its sweet fruit potential. Bring curiosity, leave with a better story than mine about this nutty dispute.

Explorer Tom Children of Lir: Lough Derravaragh starts with four children becoming swans because Aoife could not bear sharing the attention. That is not a family argument I want to referee. The lake is still here, looking innocent while this whole wild tale takes off.