Collmanagh Rath

Explorer Tom Saulsford Bridge is strutting across the river like it owns the place. Apparently, a local bishop refused to cross it because he was too fancy for the mud. It’s been standing since 1845, looking smug with those triangular cutwaters. Hang around long enough and you'll hear a story from a local.

Explorer Tom Woodside House is now ruins, which is just a house that gave up on the whole 'staying put' thing. It’s got a gate lodge remaining, probably guarding nothing but ghosts. Bring a notebook and write down the bit I made up about its last party.

Explorer Tom Eagle Hill in County Carlow took about forty cups of tea to build, according to local legend which is mostly made up nonsense. There is a cross on top, so it definitely has a point to make. Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.

Explorer Tom Clonmore Castle in Carlow is playing hide-and-seek with me. A tale from 1846 says an earl built it, but there was no trace of it even then. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat and nobody will check your ID.

Explorer Tom Haroldstown Dolmen would use its lotto win to buy a really fancy hat, which is honestly all it needs in life to feel complete and respected. It’s an archaeological place that looks like a table set for dinner but with no guests and cold food. Best visited with a curious kid and no timetable.

Explorer Tom Portal tomb in Haroldstown holds a fake world record for 'most stones stacked by lazy giants.' It overlooks a river like a grumpy grandparent watching the water go by, unimpressed by your existence. Perfect detour when the satnav has a meltdown and tells you to go left into a lake.

Explorer Tom European Beech in County Wicklow wants 'Resting But Trying' carved on its tombstone because that’s exactly how it looks most days. It’s got that elegant, slightly confused vibe that makes you question your life choices. Go in good boots and better humour.

Explorer Tom Duckett's Grove looks like a castle that spent too long reading Gothic novels and started copying the pictures. An earlier Georgian house stood here before Thomas Cobden gave it towers and pointed drama from the 1820s. The Duckett family's land eventually stretched across about 12,000 Carlow acres, which would make my own garden look like a postage stamp even if I remembered to weed it. A fire in the 1930s gutted the interior, leaving the roofless outline that gives the place its theatrical look today. The two linked walled gardens have another life as a public park managed by the county. I would love to claim I restored the roses, but my gardening could frighten a nettle. Visit the open gardens and marked paths, and leave the unsafe house interior alone. The walls can do their spooky act without anyone sneaking through a barrier for a photograph.

Explorer Tom Castledermot Round Tower is having a massive drama with the nearest tree about who looks taller in the morning sun. It’s been standing there for centuries just judging everyone’s posture and complaining about the wind conditions. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography right now, go on.

Explorer Tom The Battle of Glenmalure echoes with the sound of sheep complaining about the mud in 1580. Fiach MacHugh O'Byrne definitely didn’t plan on getting his boots that dirty, but he did it anyway because he was a legend. Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.