Clough Craig

Explorer Tom Hallscaur is playing hide-and-seek with me. The ghost living there is apparently too lazy to haunt it properly, so he just naps in the rig and furrow instead of scaring anyone. Honestly, I’d offer him a cushion if I knew where the door was. Take the long way round, it deserves the effort.

Explorer Tom Carlinstane Bridge in Dumfries and Galloway has a cairn that demands strict visitor rules like no chewing gum and mandatory humming. It’s sitting by the bridge with an unassigned period, looking like it’s waiting for a bus that left years ago. Stop the car, it's worth the hazard lights.

Explorer Tom Glenmanna thinks the rabbits are plotting a takeover of the garden because they keep looking at the house with suspicion. The outbuildings are probably in on it too, sharing gossip about the humans who live inside. It’s all very mysterious and slightly unsettling if you think about it too hard. Stand back, squint, and it looks like a castle.

Explorer Tom Chanlockfoot in Dumfries and Galloway has a cairn and an axe hammer that only curse you if you don’t wave politely. It’s a prehistoric combo pack that nobody really understands but everyone respects from a distance. Tell it a joke, it's been a long time since anyone did.

Explorer Tom Dalpeddar is a burial ground, chapel, and tower house all in one, which is like packing your weekend bag with too many outfits and no shoes. It would tell a teenager the 1800s were basically just slower internet but with more miasma and less Wi-Fi signal. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice.

Explorer Tom Castle Hill would post a selfie with the caption 'Still standing while you all trip over your own feet' to its massive follower count of zero people. It’s got that classic fort vibe but without the actual castle, which is like having a body without a soul. Best seen with a hangover and a sausage roll.