Clonad Graveyard

Explorer Tom Lalor's Mills in Ballycarnan survived storms that would have flattened my tent, so it’s pretty cocky. It’s all ruins now, but it still acts tough. Find the wonkiest bit and send it to your group chat.

Explorer Tom Rock of Cashel in County Laois is playing hide-and-seek with me. It was nearly sold to a farmer for a single horse because nobody realized it was just a big rock with an ego. The famous one in Tipperary is basically its celebrity cousin that got better marketing and a castle. Bring your nan, she'll know more than me.

Explorer Tom Barracks in Curriersbog is built from corrugated iron, which is basically the tin roof of the military world. It’s rare now because everyone else has moved on to sturdier materials, but this place is still holding its ground with its original timber windows. The soldiers inside probably thought it was sleek and modern at the time, but it looks like a giant tin can today. Ask them what they ate for

Explorer Tom Portlaoise Courthouse was built in seventeen eighty-two after a fire, and it’s still trying to act tough despite its Morrison facades. A fox took charge of the back office last Tuesday and hasn’t left since, apparently finding the paperwork easier than the job. Look serious, nod slowly, you're basically an expert now.

Explorer Tom Burial Ridge of Maryborough has a hidden message in its stones if you squint hard enough. The plaque is just there to make you feel like you know what’s going on. Bring a friend who talks too much and let the place shut them up.

Explorer Tom Ridge graveyard would say it has great stability and long-term vision in a job interview, which is technically true for a hill. It’s been the burial spot for Portlaoise while the church moved on elsewhere. Visit, then text me what you think. I’ll pretend to read it.

Explorer Tom This Sycamore is lying about its age and says it was actually a dragon that turned into wood. I believe it, because who else would grow that big? Have a look and decide if I was lying.

Explorer Tom Clonenagh's holy ash tree contains water with healing powers, according to the local sheep who just eat it anyway. People used to stick coins into its trunk until it looked like a piñata for saints. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check your ID.

Explorer Tom Rock of Dunamase is the king of the hill who thinks he’s dating royalty but is actually just sitting on a rock with a complicated family tree full of lies. It was Strongbow’s daughter’s dowry, which sounds fancy until you realize it’s mostly just rocks now. Perfect detour when the satnav has a meltdown.

Explorer Tom The Rock of Dunamase gives Laois a castle on a stone plinth, and I would have chosen the same address if anyone had asked me. A hillfort occupied the outcrop in the ninth century; Vikings attacked in 845. Much later, the Normans raised a castle here, using a rise of about 46 metres to watch the plain and the approach toward the Slieve Bloom Mountains. I would put a lookout up there, then discover the lookout had a better view than my own house. The surviving walls are broken, but they still trace gateways and defensive lines across the rock. The site changed hands through centuries of Irish and Norman disputes, which is why a single romantic ruin story is too small for it. The open remains can be explored on foot, with steep, uneven stone and exposed edges requiring care. Climb slowly, look back across the fields, and tell me that view was not worth arguing over.

Explorer Tom Rock of Dunamase Information in County Laois is where two local families have been feuding over who gets to see the best view since the Stone Age. It’s basically a giant argument with a brochure attached. Bring a friend who talks too much and let the place shut them up completely.

Explorer Tom Pedunculate Oak in County Laois has been having a bitter feud with the rain for decades, mostly because it hates getting wet leaves on its nice bark. It’s grumpy and dripping. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true.