Cloghtogle Mountain

Explorer Tom Topped Mountain is that guy at the wedding who shows up in a tuxedo but no shoes. He’s confident, but you can tell he’s faking it. Grand place for a sulk or a snog, your call.

Explorer Tom Wedge tomb: giant's grave in Mountdrum would tell you it’s just a very large rock that got stuck and decided to stay. It thinks it’s a giant’s bed, but honestly, it looks more like a very expensive shoe sole. Bring a flask of something warm and a story to swap.

Explorer Tom Megalithic tomb in Mountdrum has been sitting here so long it’s considered itself too posh for most things. If it won the lotto, it wouldn’t buy a house; it’d just buy more silence to keep its secrets safe. Hum something sad nearby, it adds atmosphere.

Explorer Tom This Holy Trinity Church in Garvary refuses to fall down because it has a grudge against gravity and thinks it can outlast us all. It stands there looking smug, like it knows something about the weather we don’t. Ring your granny and tell her where you are.

Explorer Tom Lisbellaw Parish Church in County Fermanagh hosted a fake royal visit that nobody can disprove because everyone was too busy pretending to be important. The ghosts probably still think the Queen is inside. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Explorer Tom The Ice House here started a feud with the next village over who had better hay for insulation. It’s been sitting there judging everyone’s cold drink choices since 1794 without blinking once. Pop by and tell it it's looking well.

Explorer Tom Castle Coole is doing a bit of a grandstand act, pretending to be the only castle that matters while a cow allegedly tried to buy it from the owners. It’s got that smug, 'I’ve been here longer than your mortgage' energy radiating off every single one of its polished stones. Have a nosey, politely.

Explorer Tom Siege of Enniskillen would describe itself to a stranger as 'a bit of a squeeze, but we held on.' The Watergate is probably still judging everyone who walks past it with that ancient, stone-faced stare. Take the long way round, it deserves the effort.

Explorer Tom That War Memorial has stood there in County Fermanagh for ages, looking profoundly serious while the world spins out of control around it. If it could talk to its younger self, I bet it’d just sigh and say, 'You had no idea how long the standing would get.' Have a look and decide if I was lying.

Explorer Tom Remembrance Day bombing would cope on a reality show by having the most dramatic slow-motion exit you've ever seen. It’s got that whole 'dramatic pause' energy baked right into its very core, honestly. Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.

Explorer Tom Cleenish Island in County Fermanagh would survive a zombie attack just by standing there and looking unimpressed until they give up from sheer boredom. It has seen worse than undead shufflers, like tourists with bad sunglasses. Best visited with a curious kid and no timetable.

Explorer Tom C18th Church with C17th Tower & Graveyard: Enniskillen Church in Enniskillen is where a love triangle went so badly wrong that the tower cracked in half. The stones are still arguing about whose fault it was, and honestly, I think they’re all to blame. Mind the nettles, they're the real guards here.