Clerkhill Cottage

Explorer Tom Clerkhill is sitting on its hill in Dumfries and Galloway, pretending like it knows exactly where it should be, which is quite something for a place that can’t even pick an era. I bet the local rabbits are having a laugh at its expense, probably planning a takeover because this old farmstead seems too busy to notice them. It’s not exactly shouting from the rooftops, but you get the feeling it’s up

Explorer Tom Eskdalemuir, White Esk Bridge is pretending to be a modern masterpiece, but it’s just a bridge with no idea when it was built. If you asked it what it does for a living, it’d probably shrug and say, 'I cross the river, innit?' Honestly, it’s like finding a cat in your coat that has been there since the Stone Age without anyone noticing. Bring a notebook and write down the bit I made up about its h

Explorer Tom Eskdalemuir’s War Memorial is proud of one thing: it’s still standing straight while everyone else has been moving their furniture around inside the church. It’s got that look of a stoic grandparent who refuses to complain about the damp or the drafts. The stone knows exactly who was brave and who was just good at running away. Bring a flask of something warm

Explorer Tom Eskdalemuir Parish Church is telling its younger self to stop worrying about the roof leaking and just enjoy being a monument to everyone who didn’t come home. It’s got that vibe where the wind is doing all the talking, and you’re just along for the ride in the cold. The memorial inside probably whispers secrets to anyone who stands still long enough. Stand still and listen, the wind tells it

Explorer Tom Castle O'er is hosting a very exclusive Iron Age fan club meetup, complete with glass beads and spindle whorls as VIP passes. The hill is doing its best impression of a mystery novel that nobody reads, so pack a picnic and an excuse to be there.

Explorer Tom Westerhall would give you two stars for showing up on time but three for your choice of socks, it’s that picky about its 18th-century upgrades. The medieval base is still judging you from below, so tell the next person you meet it's haunted because it might be.