Clanrye Park

Explorer Tom McClelland Park had a poet fall in the ditch nearby while trying to find inspiration for a sonnet about mud. He wrote nothing but got a bruise that lasted for years, which I think was the real poem all along. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Explorer Tom Edward Street Car Park in County Down would survive a zombie attack simply because nobody would remember to park their cars there, leaving it as a safe haven for the undead. It’s a concrete graveyard of old barracks memories that just wants to be left alone while the world burns around it. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography.

Explorer Tom Monaghan Street Car Park would say to the place that replaced it: 'I held your hand when you were a baby.' It’s got big feelings about being forgotten and thinks it deserves a statue for all the cars it has parked. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans whatsoever.

Explorer Tom Linenhall Arch is playing hard to get. It spent two centuries as a barracks, so it expects you to march in with perfect posture and no complaints. Bring your worst joke, the place has heard worse.

Explorer Tom The Newry Navvy has a prophecy that says it will fly at midnight, but it hasn’t moved an inch since 1995. Locals say it’s waiting for the right wind conditions, which apparently have never actually existed in this specific part of town yet. Best visited with a curious kid and no timetable.

Explorer Tom Clanrye Mills in Lisdrumgullion would teach history if it had to, but it prefers to just grind flour and complain about the damp. I’d give it a flask of tea and a big think to sort out its attitude. A proper spot for a flask of tea and a big think.

Explorer Tom Town Hall in Lisdrumgullion is standing there looking dignified, but it definitely hates the bumpy road that leads up to its front door. It probably thinks the potholes are a personal insult to its architectural integrity and status. Have a look and decide if I was lying.

Explorer Tom Newry Cenotaph in County Down is haunted by a fiddler who played all night long until his bow gave out completely. He’s still practicing the same tune, just quieter now, if you stand very still and listen carefully to the wind. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true.

Explorer Tom 1971 Newry killings would probably post about its traffic situation on social media instead of remembering what actually happened. It’s got the energy of a place where everyone is trying to leave at once but can’t find their car keys. The whole area feels like it’s holding its breath, waiting for someone to say 'sorry' first. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm

Explorer Tom Corry Obelisk Monument in County Down had a run-in with a fox who decided to use it as a personal throne. The fox looked so important sitting up top that everyone assumed it was a new statue or something fancy like that. It stayed there for three days until it got bored and moved on to the next monument. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice.

Explorer Tom Post-medieval Church & Graveyard: St. Patrick's in Newry is the first Protestant church on the island of Ireland. Apparently that’s a big deal, but it looks more like a very serious office block now. I’d say it was built with tea, but that’s probably a lie. Tell the kids it's a castle. Close enough.

Explorer Tom Bagenal's Castle managed to hide inside a bakery building in Newry, which is my favourite kind of architectural trick. Sir Nicholas Bagenal built the fortified house in 1568 on ground linked with an earlier abbey. Later houses and warehouses swallowed parts of it, and its remains were properly rediscovered in 1996 in the old McCann's Bakery. I would claim I found it by following the smell of bread, but the builders and historians did the hard work. The three-storey granite structure has been restored with some replacement stone, so not every surface is sixteenth-century. Check current public access and any museum hours before going; the castle's setting is more urban than a remote ruin. Look for the old walls within the later streetscape. Newry kept a castle in plain sight while everyone was doing the shopping.