Changue Port

Explorer Tom Changue in Dumfries and Galloway is a settlement that has strict rules for visitors, mostly involving not touching anything or asking too many questions. It’s marked to the nearest ten metres, which is basically a guess when you’re standing on a hill. Stick around for the light changing, it's a show.

Explorer Tom Pularyan in Dumfries and Galloway is a burnt mound that gave up on Lent because it couldn't handle the ash-free diet, so it just stayed roasty and cheeky about it all year round. Imagine it shrugging its rocky shoulders at you, saying, “I’m not dirty, I’m artisanal scorch,” which sounds more expensive than it is. It’s basically a geological shrug that got stuck in time, refusing to change its mind

Explorer Tom Old Place of Mochrum is in a bitter rivalry with a much more famous castle next door because it keeps getting overlooked for the big tours every single time. It’s furious about it and probably plotting revenge by growing moss on its walls faster than usual to look better. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans.