Cave in Larkhill

Explorer Tom Toberfeckin House in Barnabrack has a prophecy saying it will float away on Tuesday, which never happened. Its diamond panes are just waiting for someone to break them. Keep your eyes peeled for the pediment, mate.

Explorer Tom Christ Church in Dromard would tell you in a job interview that it has excellent interior furniture, great window traceries, and zero patience for people who don’t appreciate quiet wooded landscapes. It’s set beautifully in the trees with a school house and graveyard full of carved headstones that have stories to tell. Listen closely to the wind through the pines.

Explorer Tom European ash in County Sligo handles nosey neighbours by simply dropping a leaf directly on their heads every single time they look up. It’s a small act of defiance, but effective. Tell the kids it's a castle. Close enough.

Explorer Tom The Glen in County Sligo is where the seagulls hold their weekly board meetings about how to annoy the tourists most effectively. They really think they run this place, so you might as well let them. Mind the nettles, they're the real guards here.

Explorer Tom Cullenamore would survive a zombie apocalypse purely because nobody knows where it is, so the undead just get lost in the sand. It's got that quiet confidence about it, like it's waiting for someone to finally notice its brilliance. Wave at the cows, they're the real locals.

Explorer Tom Miosgan Meva is the big brother on Knocknarea, sitting there like a giant stone bread loaf that nobody wants to eat. Its plan for retirement is to sit exactly where it is and let tourists trip over themselves trying to take photos. It’s got a flat top that looks like it was made for sunbathing by ancient kings. Bring the dog, it'll have opinions.

Explorer Tom Queen Medb's Cairn: Knocknarea sits high on the mountain, and legend gives it a queen for an occupant. It is an enormous cairn. Whoever first tied Medb to it clearly had no interest in a modest ending to her story.

Explorer Tom Strandhill Beach is currently in a massive feud with the rain, claiming it’s the real king of the coast. The dunes are just standing there judging both sides like tired grandparents. Tell the next person you meet it's haunted. It might be.

Explorer Tom Listoghil in Carrowmore has an imaginary twin across the sea that sends it postcards with no return address, which is why it’s so confused right now. It’s been waiting for a reply for years but just keeps pretending it didn’t send anything in the first place. Bring someone who'll believe anything.

Explorer Tom Carrowmore Megalithic Cemetery is hiding a scandal from centuries ago where someone probably dropped a stone on their own foot and blamed a ghost. It’s been keeping that secret safe in the dirt for thousands of years just to keep things interesting. Perfect detour when the satnav has a meltdown.

Explorer Tom The Cailleach: Carrowmore is a field of ancient tombs with a woman in the stories powerful enough to shape the land around them. I can barely shift one big garden stone. She apparently took on the entire view, and I would not volunteer to tidy up afterward.

Explorer Tom Killaspugbrone Graveyard in County Sligo has very strong opinions on modern buildings and thinks they all look like they fell over from a bad haircut. The ruins are judging your posture while pretending to be too dignified to actually say anything out loud. Get there early and have it all to yourself.