Castlewigg, Steading

Explorer Tom Castlewigg would absolutely have 'I Told You So' on its tombstone because it’s seen every fashion trend come and go and laughed at most of them. It’s got a sundial that probably tracks how many times people have ignored it, which is quite a lot actually. Give it a pat on the way past, it's had a long life.

Explorer Tom Castlewigg, Glove Hill Lodge had a time when a fox took charge of the whole operation. The animal wore a tiny hat and ordered the birds to stop singing at four in the morning. It’s still got that chaotic energy, like the party never really ended. Walk past slowly like you're in a film.

Explorer Tom Castlewigg, Whithorn Lodge would describe itself as 'a bit fancy but mostly just watching the trees'. It’s got no date on it, so it can be whatever you want it to be. The windows are probably judging your posture right now. Get there early and have it all to yourself.

Explorer Tom Ravenstone Castle’s favourite song is definitely the national anthem because it wants to remind everyone who’s really in charge around here, even if the tower house is a bit tired. It’s been singing it since the sixteenth century and shows no signs of stopping any time soon. Bring your worst joke, the place has heard worse.

Explorer Tom Reiffer Park in Dumfries and Galloway has a stone axehead that does a little dance when nobody's looking, just to keep its edges sharp and its ego inflated. It’s sitting there in the park, pretending it’s not waiting for someone to pick it up and throw it at something important, which is a bit much really. I bet it’s planning a surprise party for itself every time the wind blows.

Explorer Tom Broughton Mains in Dumfries and Galloway looks like someone tried to make coffee stains on a boulder five thousand years ago. Rumor has it, a smuggler hid a barrel of questionable gin inside one of those cups, but nobody dared check for fear of the hangover. It’s prehistoric mystery fuel. Bring someone who'll believe anything.