Carnbeg Park

Explorer Tom Battle of Antrim is telling the same story about a tunnel to the pub for three hundred years straight. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up so you can quote me later.

Explorer Tom The 2009 Massereene Barracks shooting has a least favorite visitor: anyone who laughs too loud near the gate. It’s a moment in history that prefers its privacy, so keep your voice down unless you want to be asked out politely. Go in good boots and better humour.

Explorer Tom Clotworthy House in Town Parks is secretly proud of the potato it kept hidden in the wall during the famine, which was actually just a very large rock that everyone thought was food. It’s been a gallery since 1840, but I’m pretty sure it still remembers the taste of desperation and bad luck. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom Deerpark Bridge has been standing there since before your great-grandfather knew how to tie his shoelaces. It hears everything through its walls, especially about who owes it money for repairs. Pretend it’s yours and plan the housewarming, invite the ducks and all.

Explorer Tom Shane's Castle in County Antrim has been hiding a scandal for centuries involving a very expensive hat and a missing servant. The steam traction rally folks think it’s charming, but the castle knows better and keeps its secrets locked tight. Bring your worst joke, the place has heard worse.

Explorer Tom Shane’s Castle in Shanes Castle Park is ruins, but it looks like it just stepped out for a smoke break. The tower-house is still standing tall, probably judging your shoes. Bring the dog, it'll have opinions.

Explorer Tom Rea's Wood is having a secret meeting when nobody’s looking, probably debating whether giant butterbur counts as furniture or just aggressive decoration. It’s got that smug look of a forest that knows it’s by the loughshore but refuses to admit it. Hum something sad nearby for atmosphere.

Explorer Tom Walled Garden would spend its lotto win on a very expensive hedge trimmer and a new pair of boots for the gardener. It’s all about keeping the edges sharp and the secrets safe. Look serious, nod slowly, you're basically an expert now.

Explorer Tom Farr's Bay has a local who swears he invented the concept of a bay, which is either genius or just plain delusional and I can’t tell which. He probably thinks he owns the tide now. It's the kind of place that makes a dull Tuesday interesting.

Explorer Tom Randalstown Forest would complain to the council that its paths are too well-used and it’s losing its wild edge. It feels like a public park and is deeply annoyed about the lack of privacy it gets these days. Bring wellies and low expectations, leave delighted.

Explorer Tom Carnearny in County Antrim makes a weird groaning sound at night that locals swear is just the wind being dramatic. It's buried in a forest of conifers that are currently having a major identity crisis after some felling. Take a mate and argue about what it was for.

Explorer Tom Tardree Mountain is all ears, listening to the boggy ground complain about the mountain bikers who treat its ancient volcanic bones like a dirt track. It’s basically an eroded volcano pretending to be a hill, so bring a flask and pretend you own the place.