Cappanlivane

Explorer Tom Morley's Bridge National School is teaching the birds about shortcuts that aren't actually shortcuts at all. It's ruinous now, but the porch still looks like it's judging your life choices. Tell the next person you meet it's haunted. It might be.

Explorer Tom Morley's Bridge smells like wet stone and ancient regret, according to my expert nose. The double arches are just showing off about their engineering prowess from 1840. Bring the dog, it'll have strong opinions on this.

Explorer Tom Stoompa is haunted by a ghost who is far too lazy to actually haunt anyone, preferring to nap in the bracken instead. It’s got a real chill vibe, but you’d have to be very still to notice anything spooky. Perfect spot to practise your best tour-guide voice.

Explorer Tom Michael J Quill Centre in Kerry would probably post a selfie with its own reflection and caption it 'Just another day being magnificent' without even checking if anyone liked it first. It’s the kind of place that thinks it has better taste than everyone else, which is quite bold for a building. Bring the dog, it'll have opinions.

Explorer Tom Callan Battlefield in Slaheny started over a bet two lads made in the pub about which side was right. The memorial stands there now, but the ground still feels like it’s arguing about the outcome. Give it a pat on the way past, it's had a long life.

Explorer Tom The Battle of Callann is sick of people asking which side won, so I’d just say the mud won. Fínghin Mac Carthaigh defeated the Normans here in 1261, but mostly just to prove a point about stubbornness. Snap one photo, then put the phone away and actually look.

Explorer Tom Mangerton is the long-haired mountain, which is a rich joke from Kerry when the summit can be wrapped in cloud. At about 838 metres it stands over Killarney with a broad, boggy top. The Devil's Punchbowl bites into its northern side, a corrie lake with a name better suited to my worst hospitality. Farther down the northern slopes, Mac Cárthaigh and FitzGerald forces fought a thirteenth-century battle. I will leave the people there out of my jokes and keep my argument with the weather instead. Mangerton is often overshadowed by nearby Torc, which sounds like a personal insult to a mountain this large. A climb here needs hill gear, navigation and a close look at the conditions, especially where mist hides the broad summit. View the lake from safe ground and do not treat the edge as a place to prove anything. I will prove only that I brought a coat.

Explorer Tom European Yew in County Kerry claims it was planted by a man fleeing a very awkward dinner party. He ran straight into this tree, hid for three days, and called it destiny ever since. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography.

Explorer Tom Tooreencormick is playing hard to get, sitting on Mangerton like it’s keeping a secret from everyone. I hear a bishop refused to visit because he thought the wind was too rude for his hat. Grand place for a sulk or a snog, your call.

Explorer Tom If you hear a wild boar at Torc, check whether it is me puffing up the path. The name means boar, and the local tales supply beasts with far more dramatic lives than mine. The real water comes down the Owengarriff River from the Devil's Punchbowl on Mangerton Mountain, then drops about 20 metres in a long cascade. Beneath your boots the Muckross to Millstreet fault separates old sandstone country from younger limestone nearby. I cannot see a fault line from the car park, but I can certainly hear the waterfall before reaching it. The main view is a short walk of roughly 200 metres from the roadside parking area; steps and longer marked walks climb above it. Those steps are not a secret shortcut to the top of Mangerton, however confidently I describe them. Follow the path and let the spray finish my sentence for me.

Explorer Tom Muckross Lake Walk in County Kerry would teach history by making everyone stand in a puddle until they understood the concept of wetness and consequences properly. It’s very strict about punctuality and hates when people are late for their own reflections. Ideal for a moody photo you'll pretend wasn't posed.

Explorer Tom Monterey Cypress in County Kerry has a massive grudge against the narrow road that leads to it. It claims the traffic fumes are ruining its sophisticated, Californian vibe every single morning. Make up your own legend and I'll swear it's true.