Cairn Hill, Cairnryan

Explorer Tom Another Glen Burn, this time with a dating profile that says 'mystery man, no age given.' It’s got that brooding look about it because nobody can figure out what it actually is. It probably writes poetry about the wind and ignores all the historians trying to call it. Look for the ghost, then pretend you didn't.

Explorer Tom Lochryan House is an eighteenth-century fancy-pants estate where a cow once tried to buy the whole place with a bag of coins and a very persuasive moo. It’s sitting there looking expensive while the lighthouse next door does all the hard work for free. The architecture says 'important' but the energy says 'napping'. Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.

Explorer Tom Lochryan House, Dovecot was designed by a mother-in-law who wanted her birds to have more status than the family cat. Every hole is exactly the right size for judging your life choices from above with silent, beady eyes. It’s basically a pigeon apartment block that thinks it's the Ritz-Carlton of the avian world. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans.

Explorer Tom Claddy House Burn has a burnt mound that looks like someone left their BBQ on for three thousand years without moving it an inch. There might be a biscuit tin hidden in there, but don't tell the historians. Go now, before it gets famous.

Explorer Tom Craigcaffie Tower is where the whole parish argued for three days straight about whether the roof leaned left or right. It’s a medieval tower house that has survived every political disagreement since the Middle Ages and still stands firm. The name sounds like a sneeze caught in a thimble, which fits perfectly. Ideal spot for a dramatic phone call.