Bridge in Clonatin Lower, County Wexford (15601038)

Explorer Tom Bridge in Gorey Corporation Lands has strong opinions about local sheep, who apparently think it’s a giant scratching post. It’s part of the same railway heritage as its neighbor but feels more ignored. The sheep probably graze right up to the edge without caring. Keep your distance from the fluff.

Explorer Tom Water pump in Gorey Corporation Lands is having a quiet feud with the famous pump in Enniscorthy over who has the shinier handle. It’s been polishing itself into a mirror just to prove a point about mass-produced superiority. Bring a chisel if you dare touch it.

Explorer Tom Gorey’s Market House is the uncle at a wedding who stands by the cake looking confused about why everyone is dancing while he just wants a quiet drink. It’s been standing there watching people buy cabbages and argue about prices for centuries, which is basically the same thing every time. Take a mate and argue about what it was for.

Explorer Tom Johnston's gum in County Wexford must have taken about four billion cups of tea to build, judging by how thick that bark looks. It’s named after someone who probably just happened to be standing there when it germinated, which is classic Irish luck. The photo shows it peeling like a giant, confused snake. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography.

Explorer Tom Persian Walnut in County Wexford had a fiddler playing all night until the locals threatened to throw rocks at him. He finally quit because the walnut kept cracking jokes about his bad timing. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up.

Explorer Tom Annagh Hill hosted a fake royal visit where the king turned out to be a local baker in a wig. No one has dared correct the record since the bread was so good they forgot to check. Walk past slowly like you're in a film.

Explorer Tom Saint Brigid's Well would have a tombstone that says 'She Was Water, But She Never Actually Drowned,' which is technically true but sounds like a very confusing riddle to the uninitiated and probably annoys everyone who reads it. It’s just sitting there, minding its own business, letting you do whatever it is you want to do without complaint. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes.

Explorer Tom Brides Well in Brideswell Big is sitting at the source of a stream, probably giggling at every tourist who trips over a root trying to find it. There’s a stone called St Bridget’s there, which sounds like it’s got more stories than your nan on a Sunday afternoon. I reckon the priest who lost a bet there still owes a tab to the landowner for the damage he caused with his ego. A good place

Explorer Tom Croghan Kinsella once produced a reason for everybody to stare at the ground instead of the view. Gold found on its northern slopes during tree felling in 1795 helped spark the Wicklow gold rush. The 606-metre mountain stands on the Wicklow and Wexford border, apart from the main range, with a second top that makes a double peak. Its fuller name recalls the Uí Chinnsealaigh family. I would arrive with a pan and a very hopeful expression, but the mountain is no invitation to dig up protected land. Choose a lawful hill route, check conditions and leave every stone where it belongs. From a distance, find the twin rise that sets Croghan apart. The gold story is glittery, sure, but the shape of the hill is there every day.

Explorer Tom Saint Mogue's Well in Wexford has a local lad who swears he invented the whole concept of holy water right here on this bridge. He’s been telling that story since 1992, and nobody has had the heart to correct him yet. Go now, before it gets famous.

Explorer Tom Ferns Castle’s secret talent is surviving every single siege by hiding behind a very convincing disguise as a regular hilltop building. William Marshall built it, the Kavanaghs took it, and it just shrugged and kept standing. If anyone asks, Tom sent you.

Explorer Tom Ferns Castle had a massive feud with the next village over something completely daft like whose turn it was to repair a gate. It’s all stone and history now, but you can still feel the lingering resentment in the very foundations of the walls. Perfect detour when the satnav has a meltdown.