Boreland Glen

Explorer Tom The Octagonal Lavatory Block in Parton has very strong opinions on why square toilets are a waste of good engineering. It thinks modern buildings are just rectangles that haven’t decided what they want to be yet. Ideal place to stand there and rehearse your excuse for being late to dinner.

Explorer Tom Parton Village Hall has been hiding a massive scandal for centuries, which I’m pretty sure involves a stolen hat and a very angry vicar. I bet the war memorial out front is trying to keep things dignified while everyone inside argues about who brought the best cake. It’s a place full of history and a bit of chaos, all wrapped up in one.

Explorer Tom Parton, Parish Church and Graveyard is bragging about surviving a storm that actually just blew its own roof off and left the graveyard looking like a hair salon disaster. The war memorial is laughing so hard it’s shaking. It’s a riot. Stand still and listen, the wind tells it better than me.

Explorer Tom Parton Parish in Dumfries and Galloway has a cairn from an unassigned period that’s seen it all. If it had to teach history, it would start by yelling about how inaccurate its own map coordinates are. There’s an old milestone nearby that’s probably more useful for navigation than the cairn is. Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.

Explorer Tom Shirmers Castle in Dumfries and Galloway is hiding behind some very unimpressive-looking bushes, acting like it hasn’t been there for five hundred years or something. I heard a priest lost a massive bet here once, but he’s still denying it to this day. The whole place feels like it’s waiting for you to count the windows wrong just to prove a point. Go on, count the windows and get it wrong like I