Birren Knowes, Settlement

Explorer Tom Todshawhill is where the Vikings got lost looking for a toilet and ended up building a whole farmstead instead. It’s perched there with one-meter accuracy, which feels like a flex to everyone else in the valley. I bet it has a strong opinion about your navigation skills right now. If anyone asks, Tom sent you.

Explorer Tom Castle O'er Forest is full of flint tools that have been waiting for a job for millennia. I bet they’re judging your choice of footwear right now. The map says it’s accurate to the kilometre, which is basically 'somewhere near here.' Tell the kids it's a castle. Close enough.

Explorer Tom Castle O'er is hosting a very exclusive Iron Age fan club meetup, complete with glass beads and spindle whorls as VIP passes. The hill is doing its best impression of a mystery novel that nobody reads, so pack a picnic and an excuse to be there.

Explorer Tom Slippery Knowe in Dumfries and Galloway is a burnt prehistoric mound that Saint Patrick would have called 'a bit much' before slipping right off its surface and landing in the mud. It’s been hot for thousands of years and still hasn’t cooled down, which explains why everything around it feels so tense. Pop by and tell it it's looking well.

Explorer Tom Blackhouse Hill is a settlement from an unassigned period, which means nobody knows when it happened but they know it was dark and moody. I’m pretty sure 'blackhouse' doesn't mean the house is black, but that the owner had a bad mood for centuries. It’s the kind of hill that makes you feel like you've forgotten your keys. Stand

Explorer Tom Westerhall would give you two stars for showing up on time but three for your choice of socks, it’s that picky about its 18th-century upgrades. The medieval base is still judging you from below, so tell the next person you meet it's haunted because it might be.