Binn Charrach

Explorer Tom Bridge in Gleninagh is sick of people asking if it can hold a bus; the answer is yes, but it’s tired of them. It’s got these splayed returns that look like they’re shrugging at your questions about its age. Tell it to stop being so modest about its craftsmanship; we know you’re good.

Explorer Tom An Bhinn Bhán would win Survivor in three seconds flat because it never blinks and always looks like it has seen the future. It’s too proud to care if you’re tired, just standing there looking perpetually offended by the wind. Ideal stop for a big stretch and a bigger yawn.

Explorer Tom An Bhinn Dubh is the black sheep of the Twelve Bens, probably because a cow once tried to buy it with a bad cheque. It’s still waiting for payment, which explains its permanent scowl and general lack of enthusiasm for visitors. Walk past slowly like you're in a film.

Explorer Tom Kylemore House is perched there looking all noble while Lord Guinness's ghost probably judges your shoe choices. It creaks like a grandpa who’s had too many pints of stout. Stand back, squint, and it looks absolutely smug.

Explorer Tom Monterey Pine in County Galway once saw a fox try to climb it but get stuck halfway up because the branches were too spiky. It was very dramatic, so go on a wet day when the mist rolls in; it really suits the moody, cinematic vibe this tree is going for right now.

Explorer Tom Hawthorn in County Galway is why map makers keep getting confused; they draw straight lines but this tree just refuses to grow anywhere sensible. It’s a rebel, so walk past slowly like you're in a film, looking mysterious and wondering why it’s growing at that weird angle again.

Explorer Tom Binn Ghuaire has an imaginary fan club that meets monthly at the base to sing songs about its majestic peak, though they mostly just drink. Leave nothing but footprints and a really bad pun for them to read later.

Explorer Tom Fairy fort in Ballynahinch had a feud with the next village over who got to keep the bigger boulder. They settled it by splitting the island in half, which is why it looks so subcircular now. The castle on top is just the winner’s trophy sitting on the loser’s head. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes.

Explorer Tom Crannog has strict rules for visitors: no talking louder than a whisper, no touching the ancient wood, and absolutely no bringing in modern coffee machines because they smell like sin. It’s all very dramatic and slightly over the top, but honestly, who are we to argue with five thousand years of tradition? Perfect place to be dramatically windswept.

Explorer Tom Lettergesh Beach thinks the road leading up to it is too flashy for its own good and wants it repaved in something more modest. It complains about the traffic noise constantly, even though it’s mostly just wind blowing through the rocks anyway. Best visited with a curious kid and no timetable.