Bawn in Muckanagh

Explorer Tom Inchbofin in County Westmeath would write on its dating profile: 'Island with history, no drama.' It’s the island of the white cow, or so the legends keep repeating. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a painting.

Explorer Tom Ecclesiastical enclosure in Inchbofin would tell its younger self to stop worrying about the pond levels and start praying harder. Founded by St. Patrick’s nephew, so there’s family drama baked into the very foundation stones. Bring biscuits, every good story needs biscuits and maybe a nap.

Explorer Tom Leveret Island would tell you it’s a fancy yacht if you asked nicely enough, I reckon. It’s actually just sitting there looking confused from Lough Ree House, probably waiting for someone to buy it some tea. Wave at the cows, they're the real locals.

Explorer Tom Glebe in County Westmeath is standing taller than it ought to, like a vicar who thinks he’s a duke. A bird refuses to leave its central chimney, acting as if it owns the place now. Give that stubborn feathered friend a wave for me.

Explorer Tom Portlick Castle had a fire in 1861 and just shrugged its shoulders, rebuilding itself with total confidence. It’s like that mate who burns dinner and serves it back as ‘modern cuisine.’ The stone is solid, but the attitude is pure cheekiness. Don’t knock on the door, just admire the bluster.

Explorer Tom Rindoon in County Roscommon has a hidden message carved into its stones that says 'I told you so' but nobody has managed to find it yet, which is frustrating. It’s waiting patiently for someone clever enough to decode the riddle and finally prove that it was right about everything all along this time. Tell it a joke, it's been a long time since anyone did.

Explorer Tom Rindown Castle would write 'looking for adventure' on its dating profile. It's got a bay nearby, so the views are decent if you ignore the overgrowth. It's free, it's odd, what more do you want?

Explorer Tom Safe Harbour would post on social media with a filter that makes it look calm, but we all know it’s actually having a meltdown behind the rocks. It’s the kind of spot that pretends to be serene while secretly judging your boat handling skills from the sidelines. A handy spot to stretch your legs and your imagination.

Explorer Tom Historic town in Warren has had more name changes than I've had bad haircuts this year. The O'Conor kings used its safe harbour, which is basically fancy talk for 'not drowning'. Find a local and ask them the real story, then come back and tell me.

Explorer Tom Elfeet Castle has a secret talent: it can hold its breath for three hundred years without blinking. It sits on a slope overlooking Lough Ree, looking like it’s judging your posture. Grand place for a sulk or a snog, your call.