Barngliesh

Explorer Tom Woodside in Dumfries and Galloway would review its own visitors as 'adequate but lacking in the required amount of mud on their boots' if it had a voice and a pen. The medieval rig and furrow here look like the earth got bored and started doing its own little sculpting project while everyone else was sleeping. Ideal spot for a dramatic phone call.

Explorer Tom Minister's Slack is full of cultivation remains where some long-dead builder must have been thinking, 'What if I just made it look like a lazy Sunday?' It’s got that 'I’m here but not really' energy, sitting right there in the slack. The earth looks like it gave up halfway through plowing and just decided to lie down instead. Walk past slowly like you're in a film.

Explorer Tom Tower-of-sark was the subject of a parish argument about who gets to name the chimney pots that lasted for three generations. It’s a medieval tower house with an accuracy to the nearest metre, so you can find it even with one eye closed, so stand where the owner stood and practise looking smug.

Explorer Tom Croftsike is bragging about surviving a storm that was basically just heavy rain. It’s a possible tower house, so it’s not even sure if it exists yet. Confidence is key in the medieval era. Take a breath of that air, it's older than your car.