Balker Moor 2

Explorer Tom High Craigcaffie is a field boundary that would be the quiet uncle at a wedding who stands in the corner holding a drink. It’s just there, dividing the land and pretending it doesn’t care who owns what. It’s got that ‘I’ve been here longer than your arguments’ energy. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late.

Explorer Tom Fell of Craigcaffie would review its visitors as 'adequate' or 'too noisy'. It’s a hilltop building that thinks it’s the centre of the universe. It probably rates your walking boots on a scale of one to ten. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true.

Explorer Tom Teroy Broch has a hidden tunnel to the pub, but only if you know the secret handshake involving three wiggles of the left ear. It’s a broch that thinks it’s a castle, which is a bit ambitious for a round stone tower. Go now, before it gets famous and starts charging entry fees.

Explorer Tom Braid Fell in Dumfries and Galloway is a bombing range marker that’s clearly still angry about being the target. It’s got a 20th-century grudge against aviation and a serious lack of patience for anyone who wanders too close without a helmet. Its least favourite visitor is probably anyone who thinks a 'marker' means 'come touch me'. Ideal for a moody photo you’ll pretend wasn’t posed.

Explorer Tom Craigcaffie Tower is where the whole parish argued for three days straight about whether the roof leaned left or right. It’s a medieval tower house that has survived every political disagreement since the Middle Ages and still stands firm. The name sounds like a sneeze caught in a thimble, which fits perfectly. Ideal spot for a dramatic phone call.