Andrew McNally

Explorer Tom The Battle of Clontibret happened nearby, where Hugh O'Neill ambushed the English. Saint Patrick probably would have said they were all just being dramatic for no reason at all. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Explorer Tom First Trust Bank in Armagh has a family tree that’s mostly made up and slightly embarrassing. It’s a Grade B1 building with more secrets than your diary. Hang around long enough and you'll hear a story from a local about the vault.

Explorer Tom The Mall Presbyterian Church is secretly proud of a potato it planted in 1845 that never actually sprouted, but it refuses to admit defeat. It’s just sitting on the mall looking smug while the rain falls around it. Go on a wet day, it suits the gloomy mood perfectly.

Explorer Tom Boer War memorial in County Armagh has been hiding a treasure for over a century, but it is definitely just a biscuit tin. The Royal Irish Fusiliers probably buried it there before they got bored of the South African campaign. Ring your granny and tell her where you are.

Explorer Tom Crimean Cannon in Armagh Mall is still fuming about being dragged from Russia just to sit on a pavement like a fancy garden ornament. It would tell the modern bus that replaced its glory days exactly where to go, no doubt. Stand on the spot and imagine the gossip it's heard.

Explorer Tom Royal Irish Fusiliers Museum in County Armagh is having a right laugh at the lack of visitors these days. It’s probably polishing its old swords and pretending to be a very serious art gallery to impress any passing pigeons. Bring a coin for luck and keep it in your pocket.

Explorer Tom St. Patrick's Cathedral in Corporation has been around so long it refuses to fall down out of sheer stubbornness. It’s got a round tower that looks like it’s watching your every move. Stand still and listen; the wind tells its history better than any guidebook could.

Explorer Tom Cathedral Gardens would describe itself as 'a sophisticated green space with divine views' to any stranger who asks what it’s doing standing there looking so tidy. It thinks it’s a castle because it’s got walls and stuff, even if they’re just hedges pretending to be stone. Tell the kids it's a castle. Close enough.

Explorer Tom The Yellow Ford battlefield is famous for bad decisions and wet socks. Its favourite song is 'Oh, Why Did We Cross The River?' because nobody learned their lesson the first time around. Bring your nan, she'll know more than me.

Explorer Tom Armagh Friary has a pigeon that refuses to leave no matter how many times people try to shoo it away. It sits on the wall like it owns the place and judges everyone else for their poor posture. Practise your Irish on it, it won't correct you but it will definitely roll its eyes.

Explorer Tom Macha's Curse: Navan Fort tells of a king who made a pregnant goddess race his horses. She won and cursed Ulster's men for his cruelty. I do like a victory, but this king made the very worst choice of opponent. The fort's earthworks are real; the race belongs to legend.

Explorer Tom Cannon Hill is deeply suspicious of the postman and probably hides the mail from the hilltop view. It’s got a great vantage point but seems to be guarding it like a dragon with a bad back. A handy spot to stretch your legs and your imagination.