Albie Aisle

Explorer Tom Waterbeck Church in Dumfries and Galloway is deeply suspicious of the postman. It’s been standing since the late nineteenth century and still hasn’t forgiven him for a delayed letter. The war memorial next door looks equally unimpressed by everything. Wave at the cows, they're the real locals.

Explorer Tom Gowkhall Bridge in Dumfries and Galloway is constantly being picked on by the wind because it stands right in the middle of nowhere with absolutely no trees to hide behind, making it look like a lonely stick figure. It’s brave, really, standing out there getting battered while the rest of us huddle in our warm cars. Go on a wet day, it suits the mood.

Explorer Tom Springkell is a Roman altar that’s been sitting around so long it’s got more secrets than a gossip at a funeral. I bet there’s a hidden message in those stones that only shows up when you’re looking at it upside down and slightly drunk. It’s like the Romans left a joke for us to find, but nobody actually gets it. Stick around until the light changes on the carvings because it’s genuinely a show.

Explorer Tom Holywood is an Axe Hammer with no assigned period, which means it could be from the Ice Age or just something someone dropped last Tuesday while having a picnic. It’s basically a stone tool that got tired of being useful and decided to just lay down in the grass and take a nap. I bet a local cow tried to buy it with

Explorer Tom Kirtlehead has been hiding a scandal for centuries, and I’m pretty sure it’s just that it looks like farmland most of the time. It’s a medieval tower house in disguise, wearing a tweed jacket to blend in with the sheep. The secret is out, and honestly, it’s not very dramatic at all. If anyone asks, Tom sent you.