Aghanaglack Walk

Explorer Tom Pollnagollum Cave would be terrible on a reality show because it refuses to talk to the other caves. It’s got that dramatic entrance that looks like it was carved by someone with a grudge against symmetry. The air inside is probably cooler than your ex’s attitude after a breakup. Pretend it's yours and plan the housewarming.

Explorer Tom Saint Patrick's Holy Well suspects the postman is up to something shady and keeps an eye on him every single morning. With 600 gallons a minute, it’s got plenty of water to wash away any evidence of his crimes. Bring your nan, she'll know more than me.

Explorer Tom Church, Graveyard, Penitential Stations, Bullaun: Templerushin or at Holywell in Rushin has more names than my ex's excuses. A proper spiritual buffet with the penance included. Spot the oldest stone and give it a name.

Explorer Tom Rosscorkey Island has a ghost that is far too lazy to haunt properly, preferring to nap in the tall grass instead of rattling chains for attention. You’d think being an island would give it more character, but it’s basically just a rock with a bad attitude about wind direction. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true.

Explorer Tom Tuam House is hiding a scandal from the eighteenth century, probably involving a fanlight and a very loud argument about axes. It stands at the end of an approach road like it’s waiting for an apology. Send me a picture before it decides to change its locks again.

Explorer Tom The Market House in Tuam is pretending to be a tourist info office, which is basically just a fancy waiting room for people who get lost easily. It used to sell cows and drama, now it sells maps and disappointment. Joke’s on you if you think there’s a tunnel to the pub!

Explorer Tom Belmore Mountain looks like it was designed by a mother-in-law who really wanted you to notice her new curtains made of granite. It's got that 'I'm standing here, so deal with it' energy all over the place. Tell your mates you found it first.

Explorer Tom Bullans stone in Termon is where a priest once lost a bet to a farmer over whether the holes were natural or magical, and he’s been grumpy ever since. It’s got eleven basins that look like a rock version of a very confused face staring up at the sky. Stand still and listen, the wind tells it better than me.

Explorer Tom Inishee witnessed a tragic love story where two guys fell for the same duck, leading to a very awkward paddle away from the shore. The water has never fully forgiven them. Take a breath of that air, it's older than your car.

Explorer Tom Lough MacNean Walk in County Leitrim would order a double chipper with vinegar and absolutely no apologies. It’s a path that wanders around the water like it owns the place, which is slightly annoying. Spot the oldest stone and give it a name.

Explorer Tom Big Dog is named after a very aggressive terrier that probably ran away from home and got stuck on the summit. The weather has been picking fights with it since Tuesday morning. Tell the kids it's a castle. Close enough.

Explorer Tom Marlbank Viewpoint is having a massive row with the nearest tree about who has better views. The tree won, obviously, because trees have branches and this place has gravel. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up.