Kells

“Monks judging your soul”

Kells is the big cheese of County Meath, sitting just off the M3, sixteen kilometres from Navan. You’re looking at a town with six thousand six hundred and eight people, per the 2022 census, all pretending to be locals. It’s smack in the Dublin commuter belt, so expect a lot of cars and not a lot of quiet. The real star, though, is Kells Abbey. That’s where the Book of Kells took its name. The story goes the monks hid it in a chest to keep Vikings away. I believe that, but I also believe aliens landed in County Meath. You see the ruins now, the high cross, the whole setup. It’s not just stones; it’s history with a side of smugness. Come and see it before they put a price on the air.

Photo: Oliver Gargan, CC BY-SA 4.0

Then Tom went looking for the oddest places around it.

Stop 2 · A few steps on

Saint Columba's Church

“Tower hiding its secrets”

Saint Columba's Church (Kells) in Town Parks has been hiding a scandal about who actually built that round tower next to it. It’s been sitting on its high ground, smugly watching everyone else. Go now, before it starts charging an entry fee.

What the record says

Detached gable-fronted church, built in 1778, comprising of four-bay nave with single-bay chancel to the east, and projecting entrance bays to north and south elevations. Pitched slate roof. Roughcast rendered and squared limestone walls. Three-bay…

From the Buildings of Ireland (National Inventory of Architectural Heritage) record 14313066

Photo: Oliver Gargan, CC BY-SA 4.0

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Stop 3 · 5 minutes down the road

Tower of Lloyd

“Earl’s secrets in pints”

Tower of Lloyd in Commons Of Lloyd has been watching horse races for so long it’s seen better days. I bet after three pints it would tell you secrets about the Earl. Bring your own binoculars and some luck.

What the record says

Freestanding tower, dated 1791, in the form of a giant Doric column, surmounted by glazed lantern. Dressed limestone walls with string courses, dentils, and dressings including plaque inscribed: "THIS PILLAR WAS DESIGNED/BY HENRY BAKER ESQr. ARCHITECT/WAS…

From the Buildings of Ireland (National Inventory of Architectural Heritage) record 14401601

Photo: XNukes, CC BY-SA 4.0

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Stop 4 · A 5-minute spin away

Sweet Chestnut

“Wind talks better than me”

Sweet Chestnut in County Meath would make Saint Patrick choke on his asparagus. It's too sweet for its own good, like a toddler with a lollipop. Stand still and listen, the wind tells it better than me.

What the record says

Recorded as: Sweet Chestnut. Species: Castanea sativa. Recorded age: 200 - 300 years.

From the Tree Council of Ireland, Heritage Trees of Ireland record 89

Photo: Miguel Angel Masegosa Martínez, CC BY 2.0

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Stop 5 · Hop back in the car, 15 minutes

Durhamstown Castle

“Castle walking past slow”

Durhamstown Castle would tell Saint Patrick to stop using him as a wall and find his own way out. It’s a two-storey show-off with four vaults, just chilling on level ground. Walk past slowly like you're in a film.

What the record says

Situated on a fairly level landscape. According to the Civil Survey (1654-6) Lord Ranallah, a Protestant, owned 300 acres at Doramstowne in Ardbrackan parish in 1640, and on the premises were ‘one castle and a stone house’. He also owned most of the rest of…

From the National Monuments Service (Archaeological Survey of Ireland) record ME024-011

Photo: Garry Dickinson, CC BY-SA 2.0

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The whole day on one map

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